1
Okay, let’s start this memoir. I’m Dylan Kirkham. You know me… or, at least, you think you know me.
You’ve probably heard I moved to California when I was nineteen and dreamed of becoming the next big action star. That’s all true. Yeah, I skipped college. Stupid? Probably.
Now, I wasn’t a dumbass - like, I graduated with an okay G.P.A. - but I never bothered to apply myself in school. I was focused on the girls I was dating or trying to date. Oh, and on working out.
Don’t get me wrong. I hated sports. Playing on a team was never for me. Who the hell wants to pass/kick/smack a ball, doing all the work, only to find out that when you pass it, the other person just fucks it up and does it wrong? Nah. I was completely fine just getting swole on my own.
2
So, yeah, after high school I went west. I mean, who doesn’t want to be the guy jumping out of exploding buildings and saving the day, right?
I dunno. I could make some excuse about my dad being a fireman and how his heroic visage loomed in my mind when I thought about that stuff, but more than anything, at nineteen, I wanted to get laid. And, well, who gets more ass than Jason Freaking Statham? I mean, have you seen him? Dude’s a stud! So, yeah, there wasn’t a profound passion. If anything, I had a profound penis.
I bet you’re laughing your ass off about that now, ain’t you? You’re thinking, ‘Is Dylan channeling her old guy self in this memoir?’ And the answer is... I don’t know anymore. Maybe?
All I can say is I’m gonna let the old Dylan talk. Because this is probably his last chance.
3
Anyway, so I get to L.A. and I’m all pumped up, right? Ready to take on Hollywood, thinking I’ll be the next big thing. But reality hits hard and fast. The auditions are friggin’ brutal. I mean, you walk in, there’s like fifty guys who look exactly like you - same build, same hair, same damn everything. And they all want it just as bad, if not more.
So, I’m grinding it out, going to audition after audition. But rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. You start questioning everything about yourself. Am I not good-looking enough? Not ripped enough? Did I mess up my lines? It’s a mindfuck.
A year goes by and nothing’s happening. My savings are dwindling, my parents are pissed, and I’m living off ramen and cheap beer. The dream is starting to feel like a nightmare. My agent - a guy named Rick who promised me the world - stops returning my calls. That’s when desperation kicks in.
4
I see a casting call for “ANYWHERE BUT BORING,” A show set in the town of boring, Wyoming. It’s a high school drama (obviously you know this since it’s a big hit now) where twenty-something actors play teens until they go bald, but it’s also a paying gig. So, I submit my headshot.
The role? A trans girl who’s “king” of the school before she transitions. Like, Lily is the type of kid who’s student council president, track star, head of every committee, and also dating the hottest girl on campus (Nisha, of course). I would’ve hated Lily in school, to be honest.
The premiere ends with Lily - named Lincoln at the time - coming out to Nisha while black-out drunk at her birthday party. Drama!
Now, that’s not even close to what I had in mind for my big break. Does that surprise you? I bet it does. The interviews I’ve had before this have been… mostly bullshit.
5
But, like I said, this is ‘Guy Dylan’s’ last hurrah so just keep your tweets and YouTube commentary inside the ride until it’s over, alright?
I remember staring at the casting notice and thinking, “This show is gonna get canceled in two episodes max.” But hey, maybe getting cast would give me some exposure, boost my chances for something more my style down the line. Plus, I figured how hard could it be? It’s acting, right?
So, there I was, standing in front of these casting directors trying to convince them - and myself that I could play this character authentically. They were looking for someone who could bring depth and vulnerability to the role, someone who could make the audience feel every ounce of Lily’s struggle. So, yeah, obviously, I lied.
6
“You’re trans?” they asked.
“I want to transition, but I haven’t had the means. This role feels like the perfect chance.” 
The casting directors exchanged glances. One of them, a woman with short-cropped hair, leaned forward. “You understand the importance of this role, right? We need a genuine connection.”
“Absolutely.” I kept my voice steady. “Lily feels like a part of me I couldn’t express before.”
They bought it. Hook, line, and sinker. I walked out of there with the role, feeling a mix of relief and guilt. But mostly relief. This was my shot, and I wasn’t going to blow it.
Then, everything went to hell. You see... The show was a huge hit!