Entry 19911109-3 - Stephanie Ann Adams

_November 9, 1991, Milford, Ohio_


"The Queen Bitch and her enabler," Stephanie growled.

"I'd prefer you referred to them as 'Mom' and 'Dad', please."

"Oh, I'm sure you would. So would they."

Doctor Mercer nodded and let it go for the time being.

"When did your hostility for your parents begin?"

"You mean my age or what happened?" Stephanie asked.

"Both, actually."

"Around age seven when I realized my mom heavily favored Jeff and was basically doing everything she could to torture Steve."

"Torture?"

"What would you call it? The Queen Bitch was like a terrorist who had taken a hostage and my dad suffered from Stockholm Syndrome."

"Steve seems to have a very good relationship with your dad."

"Steve makes excuses which I simply don't buy. My dad enabled my mom's behavior and he's never apologized nor done anything to fix it. She's mentally ill and needs help and he refuses to see it."

"Let's refrain from trying to make diagnoses of others and focus on you."

"It's all her fault! She did everything she could to destroy my brother's life! I wouldn't be here if that hadn't happened!"

"Because you and your brother would have run off together?"

Stephanie shook her head, "Because he would never have made love with me, no matter what I wanted."

"I thought you felt that was a result of your mom's behavior."

"Maybe Steve said that, but I sure didn't! I knew, before I realized what a bitch my mom was, that I wanted to make love with Steve, to be his first, for him to be my first, and for us to be together forever."

"At seven?"

"As soon as I knew how sex worked, I was positive," Stephanie declared. "And when we made love, it was perfect, as if our bodies were made for no other purpose than to fit together."

"So the two things are separate in your mind - your mom's behavior and your desire to have sex with your brother?"

"Yes, but as I said, it couldn't have happened without her being the way she was. Without her abusing Steve, I could never have convinced him to come to my bed."

"Can you identify the first thing your mom did that made you begin feeling the way you did?"

"I honestly don't remember, but I do remember she was always critical of anything he did. No matter what it was, she had something negative to say about it. That never stopped; well, not until the four moms told my mom to shut the fuck up or she'd never see her grandkids again. They also forbid The Perv from coming near their kids. Steve never stood up to her that way; he just tried to avoid her."

"Do you have a theory about why?"

"A combination of survival and wanting a decent relationship with my dad. He ran away to Sweden for a year then escaped to Chicago. But even then, he was who she made him. He took a long time to get past her bullshit."

"And you?"

"It didn't affect me the same way."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Because the only thing she really did was try to wreck our relationship. She wasn't insanely critical of me the way she was with Steve. I'm sure he told you some of the insane stuff she did, like with the computer."

"Yes, he told me about that. Let's go back to the books about sex. After you read them, what was your first experience with regard to sex?"

Stephanie frowned, "Hearing my parents."

"Were you listening?"

"It was hard to miss," Stephanie groused. "Their room was next to mine and after they fought, my mom was LOUD."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Sick to my stomach."

"Did you ever have the idea of marrying your dad?"

Stephanie shook her head, "No Elektra Complex. That was about as likely as Steve having an Oedipus Complex!"

"Do you have any good feelings about your dad?"

"I suppose in the sense that he finally came to his senses enough to support Steve, but I don't forgive him for the fact he let my mom abuse Steve for sixteen years. And to continue to try to abuse him after that."

"You really should let go of some of that anger."

Stephanie narrowed her eyes and declared firmly, "Never!"

Doctor Mercer made a few notes and decided to leave that be for the time being, as she could tell it agitated Stephanie.

"Did that change your thinking about sex at all?"

"You mean, like encourage me or discourage me? No. I just couldn't understand why my dad would want to do it with my mom when she was such a bitch!"

"Was she like that to him?"

"I suppose not."

"What did they fight about?"

"Steve, mostly."

"Mostly?"

"I'm pretty sure at some point my dad cheated on my mom. They basically didn't talk for a couple of weeks."

"Steve never mentioned it."

"I don't think he had a clue, and I didn't ever share it with him because I wasn't sure."

"How did you find out?"

"One of my friends told me that her mom said my dad was 'hung like a horse'."

"How old were you?"

"Eight. I knew my dad had been to my friend's house, but I thought he was friends with her dad."

"And she told her daughter?"

"No, my friend was eavesdropping and her mom told another mom that she'd done it with my dad."

"And you didn't tell Steve because you weren't sure?"

"I thought my friend might be lying, or that her mom might be lying. Maybe they were, but I don't know. And the LAST thing I wanted to talk with anyone about was my parents' sex life!"

"Going back to your thinking about sex, did you have thoughts about anyone besides your brother? Movie stars or rock stars or teachers?"

"No. Only Steve."

"Did you formulate a plan?"

"Yes, but because I was four years younger, it didn't work out the way I had hoped. I was only ten when he was with the older woman and then Birgit."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Sad, really. I wanted to be with him, and only him, and have him be with me, and only me."

"And once you found out, you said you encouraged him to be with other girls to try to keep him from having a permanent relationship?"

"I hoped he and I could be together forever, either just the two of us, or if he had to have a wife, that it would be Jennifer."

"And you were prepared for a lifelong relationship that involved you and Jennifer having sex?"

"The same as Kara with Jessica, I suspect."

"You mentioned a mistake in that regard. A same-sex encounter with," Fran consulted her notes, "a girl you called 'S'. You said it was a mistake. Can we discuss that?"

"Sure."

"You said it was during your Senior year, in October of 1984. Will you tell me what happened?"

"Well, S and T were my best friends and we hung out together a lot. One day it was just S and me; I'm not sure where T was that day. Anyway, we were hanging out at my house and nobody else was home. We got to talking about the 'Cherries Jubilee' and things just kind of got out of control."

"How so?"

Stephanie sighed, "There's something thing I didn't tell you about what I called 'Cherries Jubilee'."

"What's that?"

"T and S licked the fudge, whipped cream, and cherries from my breasts while Steve was licking off what was on my mons."

Doctor Mercer was peeling an onion, and it didn't help that Stephanie was withholding information. That was a common thing in cases like this, especially when the victim didn't think they were a victim, though this case wasn't nearly so cut and dried.

"OK, so what happened?"

"Well, S and I were talking about it, and started teasing about it. She dared me to do the same thing to her that she'd done to me, and when I did, we both got so worked up we spent three hours fooling around."

"By which you mean?"

"Sex, which included joint cunnilingus."

"Did you orgasm?"

"Repeatedly! But it wrecked our relationship because it went further than either of us had intended. We still hung out, but it wasn't ever the same again."

"And that's why you regret it?"

Stephanie sighed, "It wasn't really the sex, it was how we both reacted to it afterwards. We both really got off, but then we both kind of realized we'd made a foolish mistake. We never really could get past it."

"Do you have an idea why?"

"I think she was afraid of becoming a lesbian. It was right after that she found a steady boyfriend, and she married him."

"And you?"

"I'd say I'm straight, but I've had sex with two girls and I enjoyed it. I guess it's not all that different from Kara, really. She had one failed relationship, and now one very successful relationship."

"How much do you know?"

"Everything. Steve wrote about it in detail in his journal. He was basically distraught and part of his recovery was writing about it. I think you told him to do that."

Doctor Mercer nodded, "When he was fifteen, or so. How far did you read?"

"Basically until the year he got married, though there were times he didn't let me read for various reasons."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Like he was cutting me out of his life. I realized then I'd lost him to Kara."

"But you continued your physical intimacy after that."

"It wasn't the same. I could tell he wasn't as into it as he had been. It was like the spell was broken when he decided to marry Kara."

"How did you feel about that?"

"Resigned, I guess. But then she walked out on him and I thought maybe there was hope. But he had Stephie Grant, and he was determined to somehow repair things with Kara, which he obviously did."

"And your last encounter was the summer before he asked Jessica and Kara to marry him?"

"Yes. And I knew he was doing it only because he loved me. He obviously didn't have the desire, and he didn't feel the spark, but he loved me so much he agreed to do it one last time."

"You had stopped at times before."

"He had. I didn't really want to, but I knew if I pushed too hard, he'd end it. So I bided my time."

"And took advantage of his emotions to manipulate him?"

Stephanie sighed deeply, "Yes."

"And if you had the chance to run away with him now?"

"I still want him," Stephanie said quietly.

"Which is why you asked if he could role play and have sex with you?"

"Yes."

"You understand what that would cost?"

"If it could be permanent? I wouldn't care."

"But you know it couldn't, don't you?"

"Yes," Stephanie admitted.

"And not just the cost of all of his relationships and his business, and not just the destruction of his family, but a lengthy prison term for him when you were eventually found out. And nothing you could say would prevent the government from doing that."

"I know," Stephanie said quietly.

"I think I have enough of the outline. I'm sure we'll cover things in more detail as we continue your sessions. I need you to promise me three things, and I need to ask a pair of questions."

"Sure."

"First, do you promise to tell me the complete, honest truth going forward?"

"As best I can remember, yes."

Doctor Mercer smiled, "Your brother couches his responses in the same way."

"Of course! We all know that 'truth' is about perception."

"How about you commit to not intentionally lying to me or to try to deceive me."

"I can do that."

"The second question is whether you intend to try to entice your brother into having sex?"

"I don't know," Stephanie sighed.

"An honest answer is better than a dishonest one," Doctor Mercer said.

"Two promises, then. The first is that you will, each day, resolve not to act on your desires about your brother. And the second is that if you feel those desires are overwhelming, that you'll immediately call me. The third one is that you'll keep an appropriate separation from your brother."

"Sure."

"Promise."

"I promise."

"OK. Then I think we're finished for today. I'll speak to you on the phone a week from Monday, and then see you here two weeks from today."

"OK."

"Just focus on your husband and work," Doctor Mercer said. "Let's see if Ed is back."

Doctor Mercer got up and went to the door and saw that Ed was, indeed, in the waiting room. She invited him in.,

"We had a good session," Doctor Mercer said. "And Stephanie has made commitments to me about her treatment and her behavior. The most important one, and one you need to help with, is that she needs to keep an appropriate distance from Steve. You need to help with that."

"Of course. Steve and I have spoken about this. He'll cooperate and I'll make sure it happens."

"Good. If anything happens that concerns you, call me, day or night. My service will have instructions to get in touch with me immediately so I can return your call."

"Thanks, Doctor Mercer," Ed said.

"Thanks," Stephanie said halfheartedly.

"Then I'll speak to you a week from Monday," Doctor Mercer said.

Ed and Stephanie left, and Fran completed her notes from the session. She had several things to talk to Steve about, as well as some things she wanted to discuss with Bethany. But those would wait for the regular work week, because she needed to get home to Sam and the girls.

"You look wiped out," Sam said when Fran walked into the house.

"Gee, thanks," Fran replied with a sigh.

"Worse than you thought?"

"I'm not sure that's possible, but it's going to be very, very difficult, and very stressful, both for me and the young woman."

"Need some stress relief?" Sam asked. "The girls won't be here for about an hour.

"Fran smiled, "If that includes a shoulder rub before and a shower after, SOLD!"

Sam smiled, "It does!"

"Then what are we waiting for?"

"I have no idea!"