Chapter 64 — Uncanny

_May 15, 1984, Chicago, Illinois_

{psc} Tuesday was a normal day until 10:45am when my direct line rang.

"Research, Kane," I said after picking up the handset.

"Jonathan Edward Kane?" a woman's voice inquired.

"Yes. Who's calling?"

"My name is Marjorie Meecham with Clermont County Family Services. Do you have a few minutes to speak to me? If there's a better time, I could call back."

"Now is fine. I assume you're calling about Heather Newton?"

"Yes. I read your affidavit, and I'd like to ask a few questions."

"Go ahead."

"First, who do you believe should have custody of Heather?"

"Is that actually relevant?"

"Did Bev Newton terminate your guardianship in writing?"

"No, and I'm actually surprised she hasn't."

"Then you are, from everything we can tell, Heather's legal guardian until we make a final determination as to custody."

"It's my opinion that Heather should stay with Jim and Julie — her grandparents — until Bev undergoes therapy for whatever it is that's causing her to behave irrationally and erratically."

"I'd like to hear your view on that irrational behavior, please."

"It started immediately after Bev revealed that Glen Reynolds was Heather's father. Bev felt she needed to get away from home, and I suggested she come to Chicago so I could help her and take care of her and Heather. Bev refused and instead moved to St. Louis. She did accept monetary assistance from me, but at the same time, demanded I not initiate contact with her.

"When she was informed that a private investigator had been hired, she abandoned her job and drove to Overland Park, Kansas, with no plan as to what to do. There, she was hospitalized, and because of the guardianship document, the local authorities called me, and I and a friend went to Overland Park to help. We brought Bev back to Chicago, and everything seemed fine until she and Glen tried to flee to Canada."

"One thing I haven't been able to find is any record of why she was hospitalized in Kansas."

"Because the police chose not to write up a report of the incident. The motel manager had called them because he said Bev was acting strangely. The police did a health and safety check, and she apparently resisted their attempts to talk to her or check on Heather. Instead of arresting her, they called for an ambulance and had her transported to the hospital for a psychological evaluation."

"The hospital records simply say she was dehydrated and had not been sleeping well."

"I'm positive that's true, but they did do an evaluation and recommended she receive counseling for postpartum depression. Once the symptoms were described, I felt they fit Bev to a T, though she was also paranoid and suspicious."

"Do you think she can care for Heather?"

"No, I don't. Heather needs a stable, safe, loving environment, and that is what Jim and Julie are providing. I told Bev so many times that I lost count that she could solve the whole problem by simply talking to her parents. She flat-out refused, and while I understand she's unhappy with them, reconciling would literally make all her problems go away, right?"

"Yes, though we'd still check on Heather on a regular basis, and Bev would need to see a counselor."

"That's the solution I proposed. If Bev would speak to me, I'd propose it again, but I think I'm on her permanent shit list for giving Heather to Jim and Julie. Oh, sorry about swearing."

Mrs. Meecham laughed, "Don't worry about it. I work with young people a lot, so I've heard it all. Do you get along with Mr. and Mrs. Newton?"

"About as well as any guy who slept with a man's teenage daughter when they were in High School together could."

Mrs. Meecham laughed again, "Fathers tend to frown on that! How long were you and Bev lovers?"

"From her sixteenth birthday until I moved to Chicago in June of 1981, and then again after Heather was born until she started speaking to Glen."

"What do you know about that relationship? There was nothing in your affidavit."

"Not much, other than it happened, and she was at least sixteen because she and I were both virgins when we were first together on her sixteen birthday."

"You're positive?"

"I trust Bev didn't lie to me about that. I had wondered, at one point, but I've come back to a belief she was telling me the truth."

"And Bob Leahy?"

"She began seeing him about the time I told her I was moving to Chicago. Bev, rightly in my view, thought he was Heather's father."

"Do you know if she had any other relationships?"

"I don't. She claims not to have, but I have no way to independently evaluate that claim, especially in light of her hiding her relationship with Glen until she was basically forced to reveal it. And, frankly, who Bev slept with is none of my business, and none of yours, once she turned sixteen."

"Promiscuity is something we take into account, as it can affect the welfare of a child."

"We'll have to agree to disagree on that unless you apply the same standards to guys when determining custody and visitation."

"It's different for custodial parents than non-custodial ones, but there are other differences. I won't go into the rationale because it's not relevant. Is there anything you want to say in Bev's defense?"

"That she loves Heather and that if she does receive counseling, she ought to have custody of Heather."

"Thank you, Mr. Kane."

"You're welcome."

We said 'goodbye' and ended the call. I suspected Bev was going to lose custody, at least for the foreseeable future; longer if she failed to get the counseling she so obviously needed. I returned to my work, and at noon, Violet and I ate lunch in the break room. After eating, I returned to my desk and completed my workday, then headed to the condo.

Alexa arrived as planned and had dinner with us. Alex and I hung out with Bianca and Sofía until 8:30pm when we went up to my room.

"What are the rules?" Alexa asked as we undressed.

"Rules?"

"Sophie and Ivy have a bunch of rules; I was wondering if you had any."

"Only one, really — no cheating. That's a line I won't cross. Otherwise, everyone is pretty much free to do what they want so long as it's consensual. If you're asking if it's OK to sleep with other guys, that's your business, not mine. The same is true about me and other girls.

"Obviously, sleepovers are OK, and I don't feel that either the girl or the guy has to make the first move or that asking for anything is off-limits. You just have to accept that sometimes the answer will be 'no'. And, as I made clear, I am not interested in a committed relationship at this point. Is there a concern?"

"No. We agreed to keep it casual but never discussed what that meant. As usual, your answer was succinct and clear."

"Thanks. What about you? Any rules?"

"None except demanding orgasms!" she declared as we got into bed.

"I shall endeavor to fulfill that request with alacrity!"

_May 17, 1984, Chicago, Illinois_

"As I said, a girl could get used to this," Natasha said when we got out of bed on Thursday morning.

"I certainly enjoyed it," I agreed as we went into the bathroom for our joint shower.

"I should have told you last night that I received my evaluation," she said as I began lathering her body. "My professor had some good critiques, but overall, she liked what I'd done."

"That's good. I'm curious about the critiques."

"Her big one was the white sectional furniture. She felt I could have gone with a bolder color to be more modern; white was too traditional in her mind. She also wasn't big on the chairs for the projection TV, thinking I could once again have gone more modern, even avant-garde. She's right, but I'm fairly certain I met your design specs."

"You did."

"And in the end, that's what counts. I didn't lose any credit because it's Credit/No Credit, and she's not wrong in general. She made the point that I followed your design ideas but also encouraged me to be more aggressive in pushing the limits the client set if I think they're too confining."

"In the end, though, it's the guy who pays who decides."

"Yes, of course, but it's also the case I didn't challenge anything you said. Probably because this was my first 'professional' work, even if I wasn't paid for it. It was really good feedback, and she says I have a lot of promise. Her key point was that the best interior designers have a style, and people seek them out for that style. It's not all that different from what Deanna does — mainly, she paints abstract, but she does other things, too.

"That makes sense," I said as Natasha rinsed the suds from her body.

I handed her the soap, and she began washing me.

"It's similar to investing," I continued. "Different fund managers have different styles, so to speak, and investors sign up with a fund manager who fits their style."

"Or sex, for that matter," Natasha said. "If you aren't on the same page with your bedmate, it's not nearly as good, and you probably won't repeat it."

"I'm going to assume I meet your minimum standards?" I asked with a grin.

Natasha laughed, "I have no complaints, and if anyone asks, you'll receive a glowing review!"

"Thanks!"

We finished in the shower, dried off, then dressed. We went down to have breakfast with Bianca, and after we'd eaten, Natasha and I left the condo. We parted in the lobby, and I went up to the office. Bianca would follow in about an hour, but I liked being in at 7:00am to have time to talk to Rich and plenty of time to work on my portion of the daily Analyst Report.

At 9:10am, Pete came into my office.

"The Feds are taking over Continental Illinois with additional capital from big banks," he said. "A massive cash injection today, in exchange for preferred equity."

"Too big to fail?"

"Yes. The C-suite will be wiped out, along with the Board of Directors. If the Feds follow the usual path, the comptroller and treasurer will be replaced, along with other key officers, though that might take some time."

"What's your take on the stock?"

"It'll hit bottom today or tomorrow, then float around a bit waiting to see if the shareholders will be wiped out. I expect they will, but it could be a year or more. It depends on how much the Feds can recoup from packaging loans, especially the non-performing ones. I'd suggest covering at 9½ rather than riding it until sometime next year or even longer. You'll clear about $5 million that way."

"That is exactly what I'm going to do. Thanks. Put out a 'Flash Note' as soon as humanly possible. People with Bloomberg terminals will know, but we want everyone to have the info as soon as possible."

"Will do."

He left, and I called Joel Steinem.

"Joel, it's Kane. I have contingent orders for Continental Illinois. Buy to cover at 9¼, good until 2:00pm tomorrow. Cover unconditionally at 2:00pm tomorrow unless you hear from me."

"Last trade was at 9⅞, down 2¾."

"You know what? Buy at that price. I don't want to be stuck if they halt trading or decide to liquidate. I can't wait for months or even years for them to zero out the stock so I can return the borrow and stop paying interest."

"To confirm, buy immediately at 9⅞?"

"Yes."

"Order is in. You should see the confirmation shortly."

"Thanks, Joel."

"How much did we make on this one?"

"Just short of $5 mil."

"Fuckin' A! Keep it up!"

"Thanks."

"I'll return the borrowed shares as soon as the trade clears."

"Much appreciated."

We ended the call, and I let Pete know I'd decided to bail at 9⅞. A few minutes later, I had the confirmation that my order had filled and that the borrowed shares would be returned. My profit, net of interest costs, was just under $4.9 million. I watched the Continental Illinois shares price during the day, and while it briefly dropped to 9⅝, it closed at 10¼. I hadn't timed it perfectly, but close enough, given there was only a single trade at 9⅝, and it was only for 10,000 shares.

Pete came to see me just before quitting time.

"I have more details," he said, holding up his notebook, "all of which will be in tomorrow's report; want a preview?"

"Yes, please."

"There was a meeting at Morgan Guaranty attended by Fed Chairman Volcker; Thomas C. Theobold, Vice Chairman of Citibank; Thomas G. Lebrecque, President of the Chase Manhattan Bank; Thomas S. Johnson, President of the Chemical Bank; John F. McGillicuddy, Chairman of the Manufacturers Hanover Trust Company; Alfred Brittain III, Chairman of the Bankers Trust Company; and Samuel H. Armacost of the Bank of America. Also present were senior staff members of the FDIC, the Comptroller's Office, and the Federal Reserve.

"They discussed a private bailout, a combined bailout, and immediate liquidation. The consensus was that a private bailout was impossible because of the numbers involved, and liquidation would cause catastrophic collateral damage to the banking sector. The FDIC committed to covering all depositors, with no limit, which basically sealed the deal at a total of $7.3 billion in temporary liquidity.

"The FDIC, Federal Reserve, and lawyers for participating banks met at the offices of the New York Fed and hammered out the details. The lawyers almost scuppered the deal around 4:00am this morning, but in the end, they worked out guarantees the lawyers could accept, and they signed the deal. $2 billion was transferred immediately, and they had the press conference at 10:00am New York time, about ten minutes before I came to talk to you."

"What about the rest of the funds?"

"In the next week."

"How bad were their reserves?"

"As of last night, I estimate they had lost about 30% of their deposits. That was the straw that broke the camel's back and caused the other banks to be amenable to a deal, as some of them had either direct or indirect exposure. I'd say the run will stop, but it'll take ten years to completely resolve this."

"End game?"

"The Fed recoups as much of their equity as possible, then sells their shares to another bank once they fix the balance sheets. But with all the non-performing loans, that's anywhere from five to ten years."

"Price estimate?"

"Call it 12 to 12½ tomorrow, then it'll float around while everyone waits to see how it plays out. I think today's close is the floor. The consensus is that bank will survive, then be sold. Nobody thinks it'll be liquidated."

"OK. I look forward to your complete report tomorrow. Good work. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

After Pete left my office, I put all my files into my desk drawer and locked it, then headed to the condo for a quiet evening with Bianca and Sofía and reviewed for my exam.

_May 18, 1984, Chicago, Illinois_

Friday was a fairly normal day in the office, and I was happy to see that Continental Illinois closed at 13⅜, meaning my decision to pull the trigger at 9⅞ had earned $1.2 million over what I would have made had I waited. Pete came in just after the market closed.

"The price firmed more than I expected," he said. "The only group that appears to think the bailout is bad is Congress. There was quite a bit of negative rhetoric about 'too big to fail' in DC and questions about the FDIC having the funds to guarantee deposits over the limit. The big concern seems to be that they've now guaranteed _every_ bank and _every_ depositor, with no limits."

"What do you think?" I inquired

"I think the concerns are warranted. They backed themselves into a corner, and there is no way they can undo it. Imagine the political fallout if little old ladies lose their money in a future bank failure while all the depositors in Continental Illinois were made whole? This time, it'll be American citizens who burn the White House and Capitol Building."

"Write that up for Monday because it will affect any investment decisions in the banking sector. We also want to watch to see if the shareholders are wiped out by the deal that rescued Continental Illinois."

"That'll depend on whether the Feds can recoup enough from the non-performing loans and clear the balance sheet. Of course, they could just take all those bad loans and put them in a servicing company and sell off the remaining properly capitalized bank, but I'm not sure there's political will to do that when it might cost the feds $50 billion when all is said and done."

"There will be hell to pay if they lose $50 billion on this," I observed.

"Agreed."

"Anything more on the S&Ls?"

"Nothing actionable just yet."

"OK. Keep at it and keep up the good work."

He left, and I returned to my computer, working until 5:00pm. As usual, I put all my files into my desk, locked it, then headed to the condo to change. I greeted Bianca, went up to my room to change clothes, then headed to the lobby to meet Jack, Kristy, and Taya.

"We don't have many choices for a movie tonight," Kristy said. "Starting next week, we'll have a motherlode — _Indian Jones_, _Star Trek_, _Gremlins_, and _Ghostbusters_ all released in the next three weeks. Tonight, we basically have either _Moscow on the Hudson_, a comedy starring Robin Williams, or _Firestarter_, from the Stephen King novel."

"I'd prefer the comedy," Taya said.

"Same," I agreed.

"And me," Jack said.

"Then it's unanimous," Kristy declared. "Italian for dinner?"

We all agreed and took the bus to Italian Village, where we were seated in one of their private booths after a fifteen-minute wait. We had a nice meal and a great conversation, then took the bus back to Water Tower Place to see _Moscow on the Hudson_, which we all thought was very funny. We made our usual trip to Oberweis for ice cream after the movie, and then Taya and I headed to the condo while Kristy and Jack headed to the house.

When we arrived, I took time to sit with Bianca and Sofía, then Taya and I went up to my room.

"Remember, I need to be out of here by 7:00am tomorrow morning," I said. "I have breakfast with a friend, then have my final exam."

"You don't need to study?"

"I did last night, so I didn't have to worry about it tonight. Did you drive in?"

"No, I took the Burlington line. I can take the train home if you can drop me at Union Station. There's a 7:20am train, so it'll work perfectly."

"That sounds good. The usual?"

"Yes!" Taya declared and began undressing.

_May 19, 1984, Chicago, Illinois_

"If every Friday is like last night, this is going to be the best Summer of my life!" Taya declared as we got into the shower.

"I will absolutely not have any complaints!"

"Not even about anal?" Taya asked. "I know that's not your favorite."

"It's not, but you really get off on it, which is rare. Most of the girls who have wanted to try it didn't particularly care for it. And you ask, and I know you won't be upset if I say 'no'."

"I'm happy with your dick anywhere — mouth, pussy, or butt! And I enjoy you cumming in all three places and like how it tastes."

"And I very much enjoy that, too!"

"But you really prefer screwing, right?"

"Yes."

"What about other positions?"

"I'm OK with any of them!"

We finished our shower, which was quicker than usual because I needed to get to Violet's, then dried off and dressed. Once we were dressed, we left the condo and took the elevators down to get my car. As promised, I dropped Taya at Union Station, then headed to Violet's house.

Violet greeted me with a tight hug and a soft kiss, then invited me inside to have breakfast.

"How long can you stay today?" she asked.

"Until about 1:30pm. I'm meeting a friend on the museum campus at 2:00pm."

"A girl?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Would you take me on a date?"

"Absolutely. How about Monday night?"

"Great!"

"We'll leave straight from work and go to Smith & Wollensky, if that's OK."

"Sure! Are you ready for your exam today?"

"I studied Thursday night, and I had a very good grounding in the material before I started because of Spurgeon. I think the Summer classes are going to be more difficult because they're both heavy on writing essays and papers. Once those are out of the way, then it's independent study."

"Can I ask what happened with Marcia? I mean, what really happened?"

"What I said was true — that she basically objects to what I do for a living. But your right, it was more than that. Even before Keiko, Marcia was interested in being my girlfriend, but we didn't really click in a way that I could be more than a good friend.

"When Keiko died, Marcia tried again, and I basically made it clear we'd never be more than friends but also that I wanted to work with her and her Congressman. She flat out rejected that because she doesn't believe a well-to-do white person can help in any way except give money, but then she objected to the way I make money."

"That's contradictory!"

"Yes, it is, not to mention she implied she rejects a colorblind approach to life. I quoted King, and she said I didn't understand and that I could never understand."

"She's as white as you are! Whiter, even! And she grew up middle class while you grew up poor."

"All true."

"That's just bizarre. And she decided to take her money out because of that?"

"Yes. In a way, that makes sense because she objects to hedge funds and probably the stock market in general. She actually rejected the idea that making money for police and fire pension funds was a good thing."

"Wait! What?"

"I know. I mean, sure, I have rich clients, but the pension funds are important. I have had some inquiries, and hopefully, I'll pick up a few more. On the plus side, the boys are going to form an investment club, and I'll allocate Marcia's spot to them. I have one more because you are an employee and don't count against that limit under Reg D."

"I should probably know what that is. Can I get the training manuals you used?"

"Absolutely. I'll arrange for that on Monday. It's Regulation D of the _Securities Act of 1933_. It requires that all securities be registered with the SEC or meet certain exemptions before they can be sold. Reg D lists who may be considered an 'accredited investor', which includes employees of hedge fund managers, and also allows for up to thirty-five 'Friends and Family' sales. Spurgeon limits it to ten, mainly because the 1% fee on small accounts doesn't cover the costs to manage it. That said, I could apply for an exemption if I wanted to do so."

"How does that work? I mean, the cost allocation?"

"There's a fixed amount charged to a fund per client that covers reporting, legal, and compliance — those things cost the same no matter how much you have invested. We have to file the same reports and issue the same monthly statements and follow all the regulatory requirements for your money just as I do for the Littleton money or the MTB money."

"That makes sense."

When we finished eating, I helped with the dishes, then headed to class for my final exam. It was similar to the Series 30 exam in that it was multiple choice, True/False, and fill-in-the-blank. I completed the exam in half the time allotted, and was confident I'd scored an A on the exam, though I only needed a low B to have an A for the semester. When I handed in the exam, Doctor Baum asked to speak to me. We stepped into the corridor, though he stood where he could look past me and observe the students.

"If you don't object, I'd like to be your advisor for your independent study."

"I don't object at all," I said. "I enjoyed the class."

"And I enjoyed having you in it. Most students couldn't carry on the conversations we had, and even though it might seem as if you were monopolizing the discussions, our back-and-forth was didactic and good for the class. I'll speak to Dean Pullman and let him know."

"Thanks."

We shook hands, and I headed back to Violet's house to have lunch. After lunch, we went to the front room and had a make-out session, which I suspected would be the norm as Violet became comfortable with her desire to have sex. One thing I was sure of was that when we finally consummated our relationship, it would be glorious, as I'd promised her it would be.

I left her house at 1:30pm, drove back to the condo, parked, then caught a cab to the museum campus. Nikki arrived about two minutes after I did, and we greeted each other with a hug.

"Take your pick of the three museums," I said.

"Have you been to any of them recently?"

"Just the Planetarium."

"Then let's go to the Shedd," Nikki suggested.

We began walking that way, and I felt her hand brush mine. I took the hint and held her hand until I let go to open the door to the building. I paid our admission, and we began our self-guided tour using the map I'd received from the cashier.

"Zoo, then Aquarium," I observed. "Do you have pets?"

"A Siamese," she replied. "How about you?"

"No. I never had a pet. My best friend had a cat, but he mostly ignored me."

"That's pretty normal for cats. My dad says dogs have owners, cats have servants."

I laughed, "Nice."

"He also says that the Egyptians told the cats they were gods, and the cats have not forgotten!"

"Is your cat like that?"

"She does what she wants, we feed her when she demands to eat, and we clean her litter box. You tell me!"

"Servants."

"Exactly!"

"When do you leave for Russia?"

"We leave on July 7th and return on July 14th."

"Not a direct flight, right?"

"Right. Because of the sanctions imposed after the Korean Airliner was shot down, we'll fly from Chicago to London to Vienna, then Vienna to Minsk, and finally to Moscow the next day. The return trip is the same."

"That's a lot of flying, but as I said, it'll be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Can you take photos?"

"There are serious restrictions, but we'll be told when it's OK to take them. I take it you won't be in Milwaukee on business regularly, right?"

"Correct. I don't have any clients there, and there isn't much I can do with Belarus, as it's run by the Soviet government. But a ninety-minute drive isn't bad, so if you're concerned about seeing me, we can make it work. Well, assuming you want a third date."

"So far, so good!"

"I do want to see the scorecard!"

Nikki laughed, "I'd be drummed out of the club! Girls never reveal that to guys!"

"Which means the guys never know what causes points to be deducted! Doesn't it make sense to let the guy know so he knows what to do?"

"That would be cheating! I mean, if you only do stuff because you know it scores points, that's not really who you are, right?"

"I see your point, though if the guy doesn't know what he's supposed to do, it becomes a crapshoot, and he's potentially left with a girl turning him down for another date without a clue of what he did wrong or what he didn't do. To me, that sounds like a game, not a serious attempt at a relationship."

"I think I just wrecked my scorecard," Nikki said quietly.

"How so? I just gave you the key information you need to figure out how _my_ scorecard works. You didn't know, so there is no point deduction. Now that you know, there would be."

"Er, uhm, but…no, never mind, I just figured it out. To score points on your scorecard, I have to be forthright and tell you what I expect, not make it a mystery where you have to guess."

"Very good. I don't play games, and I don't respond well to people who play games. Just be honest and direct, and we won't have any problems with either of us being confused or misled. That's why I told you what happened with my wife and about my daughter before we agreed on a second date."

"Because you didn't want to mislead me, right?"

"Correct. And I felt it was better to get to know you a bit and decide if I was interested in a second date before revealing those things. If we hadn't clicked at all, there was no need to mention them."

"Where do you see this going?" Nikki asked.

"Dinner and a show," I replied with a smile as we walked up to a large display tank with a shark swimming in it.

"Obviously!"

"All I can do right now is take one day at a time. I'm still adjusting to losing Keiko."

"Are you saying you aren't ready for a girlfriend?"

"It depends on what you mean by that word. If you mean what they used to call 'going steady', I'm not ready for that, and I have no way of knowing when I will be. Right now, what I can offer is spending time together, getting to know each other, and seeing how things go. I assume it's OK to be direct?"

"Yes."

"If you're looking for Mr. Right and expect to be a couple, get engaged, and get married in the near term, I'm probably not the guy for you. If, on the other hand, your timeframe isn't measured in months, and you are OK with things being up in the air for a time, then there's a chance we could end up together. Fundamentally, I haven't seen anything that says I should stop seeing you, which puts the ball in your court. In the end, I can only be who I am, and who I am right now is a recovering widower."

"But you'll eventually be ready to be a couple and marry and have kids, right?"

"At this moment, I can't answer that question. All I know is I'm not ready now and can't say when I might be."

"I'm not sure how to respond to that," Nikki said. "It's totally outside my experience."

"At twenty-one, it should be outside my experience," I said as we moved to the next display.

"You sound sad, which I understand. I guess it is too soon."

"Probably, if you're thinking the way I believe you are."

"I'd actually like to hear what you believe I think."

"I think you're of the mind that once you graduated High School, you'd do your best to meet a man you felt would be a suitable candidate for marriage. When you met me, you were attracted at least enough to be interested in finding out more about me. You discovered I was successful, and you didn't see any immediate red flags, so you took the initiative to arrange a date.

"Ultimately, your goal is to be married by the time you're twenty-one and start a family relatively soon after marrying. You'd prefer to be a stay-at-home mom, which is why you're interested in someone who has a professional-level job. You want — if I can borrow the phrase — a house with a white picket fence, three kids, two cars, and a cat. How'd I do?"

"How the heck do you know all of that about me? I haven't said one word about any of that, except that I have a cat!"

"Logical analysis," I said. "I deduced most of that from things you've said, plus a bit of small-town thinking. Granted, Waukesha isn't as small as my hometown, but the Midwest is the Midwest. I'm going to bet that you're Lutheran and go to church occasionally, probably Christmas and Easter, but maybe a bit more often."

"Did you, like, hire a private investigator?"

"No, but you're from Wisconsin, so guessing Lutheran was fairly safe. You didn't mention going to church at all, which I took to mean you weren't devout because girls who are devout nearly always mention it or ask me if I go to church, which I don't. I'm going to surmise from your response that I hit the nail on the head?"

"Uncannily so."

"That's the kind of analysis I do at work, though with financial products, not people. But the same principles apply."

"I want to think more about this," Nikki said.

"Take all the time you need. We'll have dinner, see a show, and then you go home and decide if you want to go on another date. If you've already decided 'no', just tell me, and we can still do those things."

"You'd still buy me dinner and take me to a show if I said I wasn't interested in a third date?"

"Yes. You're here, I've enjoyed our time together, and we've started to become friends. If that's where it ends, I haven't lost anything. But, if you aren't comfortable, or you feel that somehow obligates you to another date, that's not how I see it. Remember, I didn't think taking you to the zoo, buying you dinner, and taking you to the movie entitled me to a 'good night' kiss. I wouldn't have tried if you hadn't made it obvious."

"Unlike the guys I dated in High School who felt dinner and a football game or movie entitled them to cop a feel."

"High School boys aren't known for their tact or their ability to control their responses to their hormones!"

"No kidding," Nikki agreed.

Nikki was mostly quiet while we walked through the exhibits, obviously thinking about the situation. I knew it was tough for her, and unlike Taya, who was also interested, Nikki had a short timeline. That worked against her, as it would any girl who was looking to be a couple in the short term.

"We still have a couple of hours before I'll be ready to eat," I said when we walked out of the Aquarium. "How about the Natural History Museum, then traditional Chicago deep-dish pizza, and then a show?"

"That sounds good. What show?"

"Either a stand-up comedy show or _The Tempest_ by Shakespeare."

"I'd prefer the stand-up comedy; Shakespeare didn't do anything for me."

"Stand-up comedy it is."

We walked to the Natural History Museum, and I paid our admission. As we had with the Aquarium, we followed the self-guided tour in the map pamphlet we'd been given by the cashier.

"Can I ask a direct question?" Nikki inquired.

"Always."

"What I want to ask isn't a trap or a test, just something I'm curious about."

"What's that?"

"Did you expect me to stay the night?"

"Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind. That is not to say I'm not attracted to you because I am. In my judgment, which I freely admit might be flawed, that would be out of character for you. I say that based on the sum total of one and a half dates, having my arm around you during the movie, a single 'good night' kiss, and then a hug and holding hands today. I fully expected you to go home tonight."

"In my experience, guys usually at least try," Nikki said.

"May I point out, without admitting anything, that subtlety is likely far more effective and less prone to result in being slapped than the direct approach? Seduction is an art."

"Is that what you are doing?"

"I can respond with an answer that is absolutely logical and rational but which is almost guaranteed to offend your sensibilities, at least at first. Do I have your permission?"

"I guess."

"Your goal, whether you admit it or not, is to go to bed with me. Period."

"EXCUSE ME?!" Nikki exclaimed, clearly outraged.

"If your goal is to be my girlfriend, then my fiancée, then my wife, we'll end up going to bed together at some point. That is, after all, one of the key points of being married, though plenty of people do it before they marry. Therefore, ultimately, your goal is to get me into bed. It's simply a matter of timing and fulfilling prerequisites."

"That's just…I don't know what that is, but it's wrong!"

"Is it?" I asked. "I'm simply pointing out a logical conclusion. Or are you trying to argue that you want to marry me but not go to bed with me?"

"No, but…wait…no…you have me totally tied up in knots right now!"

"I understand. The point is, if I agree to continue the relationship, that is also my desired outcome, at least at some point. I mean, honestly, if you feel you would never want to go to bed with someone, you wouldn't date them, right? When you agreed to the second date, you put us on the path to that destination. We may never get there, but that _is_ the ultimate result."

"So, you're saying you want to go to bed with me?"

"No, I'm saying that I don't not want to go to bed with you!"

Nikki laughed, "Talk about a tortured sentence!"

"Simply put, I'm attracted to you both physically and mentally. If I weren't, I wouldn't have asked you on a second date. And if you weren't, you wouldn't have agreed. In the end, it's all a dance to decide if you're going to go to bed with someone or not."

"And you'd ask me to go to bed with you without being a couple?"

"Everyone has to fit their actions to their moral or ethical system. Mine doesn't require a marriage certificate. Let me ask you this — when you wondered if I expected you to stay the night, was that because you thought I _didn't_ want to go to bed with you?"

"Obviously not."

"So, you thought I did, which means you thought about it, which proves my point. Now, my question, and you're free to decline to answer — given you thought I might expect you to spend the night, did you plan to accept that invitation?"

"I'd actually like to hear your analysis," Nikki said.

"I believe, given you asked, you thought about it, but it's too soon. In other words, the answer isn't 'yes' or 'no', it's 'not yet'."

"Uncanny."