“The missile is very tired. He is eepy. The missile has had a very long day of splashing bandits and wants to take just a smol sleeb. He eeby and neebies to sleeby. Mibsile sleepy and need bed-bye time. The missile is currently experiencing critical levels of being a sleevjy little guy and needs to go to bedb. Look at him go!.”  -Dos Bueno (YouTube), the missile is eepy-

_____

“How’s the head feel?”  Alanna’s voice was the first thing James heard when he opened his eyes.

He instantly regretted the eye opening.  The lights overhead were painfully bright, and he hated them, though maybe he was just a little biased because he was lying on the floor of the Lair’s dining area and not in a bed.  Normally when this kind of thing happened he woke up in a bed.  But also, normally, he had to open his eyes to know where he was.  This time, he just kind of instinctively was aware of where he’d fallen over, and that he hadn’t been moved.

Before James could answer, Zhu intercepted.  “The head feels excellent thank you!”  He said with a revving vibrancy to his voice.

”Zhu you can’t say things like that to Alanna.”  James groaned out as his girlfriend stared down at him and the enfolding orange feathers of his navigator friend with a cheeky grin on her face.  “Also I’m fine.”  He lied, before shifting a little and realizing that his head didn’t actually hurt.  “Wait, I am fine.  That’s new.”

“Seriously?”  Alanna laughed right at him.  “So every time you say you’re fine, normally…?”

”Oh, lying out my ass.”  James confirmed with a nod that blissfully didn’t hurt his brain as he moved.  “Wow, how long was I out?”

”About two minutes.”  Anesh’s voice said from the table overhead.  He was awfully calm for someone who had just orbed his boyfriend into unconsciousness two minutes ago.  “Zhu, you’re sure he’s okay?”

Ah, James realized that was why he didn’t sound worried at all.  There were advantages to sharing your brain with someone else who could tell people how badly you were concussed.

Zhu fluttered his feathers, his manifestation back to being like an avian coat as he rejoined James and could make more complex shapes again.  “I can’t really tell how he feels, but he thinks he’s okay.”

”Well that’s a weird sentence.”  Alanna said as she swung her arms to propel herself out of the crouch she was in as she lurked over the duo on the floor.  Offering a hand to James, she grabbed his arm when he raised his own limb, and with Zhu’s hand bracing between them, hauled him up to his feet.

Maybe it was his Endurance or Energy stats pushing the damage away or giving him an extra jolt of stamina to tap into.  Maybe it was that he’d had a whole night of sleep in a real bed and his body was rewarding him for not subsisting with naps on a hard floor.  Either way, James felt alright as he stretched out.  Still sore where he’d been shot, and a little itchy in all his other scars too.  And more weighed down than normal by Zhu, the navigator’s growth not having gone unnoticed by James; he had added a layer of flat orange feathers across James’ torso, and the flat feathered tail behind them was now twice as wide.  He was also just… slightly more.  Heavier.  Denser.

”This is nice.”  Zhu said.  “It didn’t fix anything…” he clenched his talons as he reminded them about the Underburbs infection, “but I feel like I have a lot more to work with.  I’m not borrowing parts of your brain you need anymore.”

”That’s a worrying sentence all on its own.”  Anesh said as he carefully watched his partner.  “But I suppose we already knew that infomorphs share the physical brain, and Planner’s already wandering through my dreams, so who am I to complain.”

”I give you permission to date Planner!” Alanna exclaimed, drawing attention from some of the nearby people who were using this entirely public dining area for the bizarre function of dining.

Anesh just gave her a bemused look.  “Planner is asexual at least.”

”They could want a romantic candlelit dinner…” Alanna crossed her arms, for some reason determining that this was a hill she was prepared to defend.

”I think they’d find that to be a distraction.”  Anesh pointed out.

Alanna gave up her hill.  “Fine, fine.  It’s just an open offer anyway.  You can date anyone.”

Looking back at where he was finishing up making backup records of all the purple orbs James had used, Anesh nodded appreciatively.  “So I’ve been made aware.”  He smiled.  “James knows too.”

”It’s true, I was going to go ask Arrush out.”  James confirmed, a little surprised to find that saying it out loud, even to the people he was closest to, still made him feel a little embarrassed.  “And since I was only dead for a minute…”

”You have weird priorities.”  Alanna told him with a laugh.  “Actually, you have great priorities.  Hey Anesh, wanna go on a date after my Response shift is up?”

”Yes, but also, we just went on a date… two… weeks… ago.”  Anesh cleared his throat awkwardly.   “Okay, I will admit, maybe we’ve had some odd priorities.”

Alanna gave a casual shrug, unbothered by the gap of time.  “Hey, I’m not complaining.  Also we did go out as a big group a week ago!  I liked that!  And I’ll bully you if I feel like we’re actually neglecting each other or some shit.  I just want to go try that vegan pizza place and I don’t think James will be into that.”

”…I would totally be into that.”  James whispered to Zhu.  “I don’t know why she thinks otherwise.”

The navigator whispered back in a conspiratorial voice like radio static.  ”You do eat a lot of hamburgers.  It’s actually impressive you don’t gain weight.”

”I jog.”  James grinned as his partners kept making plans for a date night without him.  He raised his voice slightly to get their attention.  “Hey, Anesh, do you want me to finish up with the purples and stuff?”

His boyfriend looked away from staring with open love at Alanna’s face, his brain only taking a split second to switch tracks.  “Oh, no.  I’ll test them on someone else who’s had less of a hard time lately and deserves one.  Though!  I had one last thing, since you seem to be okay and Zhu is occupying your new thoughts.”  He pulled a pair of small rough metal gears out of the box he’d brought, and set them on the table.  “Now here’s something interesting about these.”  Anesh started to say.

”Oooh, they glow.”  Zhu interrupted, the wide eye that now took up most of James’ right shoulder expanding as he focused on the pieces of grey steel that absolutely weren’t glowing for anyone else.

”…Okay, good to know.”  Anesh had already added that to the notes document by the time he started responding to the navigator.  “Anyway.  Glowing or not, these are two of the smallest gear that got found in Route Horizon, and they’re copies of each other.”  Anesh pushed them over toward James.  “I know Velocity capacity has been kind of the problem with most of the spells we have from there.  And this probably won’t help much.   Most  people can’t actually absorb the copy, though some can.”

James took that as a challenge, and picked up the first gear.  Letting the rough edges scrape against the skin of his fingers as Zhu peeled his talons away to give him space.  James barely remembered the one time he’d done this, but he did have a vague idea.  The right mindset, of motion and machinery.  The turning of the wheels and the roar of the engine.  Everything else made secondary to the yearning for motion and force.

It took him six seconds for the gear to vanish from his grip, with only a tiny moment where it was crumbling powered steel before it was gone entirely.  And inside him, the hollow space that he stored Velocity in and always forgot to keep topped off because he teleported or walked everywhere these days, that space got slightly larger.

James found himself able to store four units of Velocity now.  A single point, from the smallest gear, but it was progress , and he gave a hungry grin to the simple feeling of leveraging their community of delvers into a shared upgrade for a wide range of people.  The grin might also have been because he still had a second gear from his portion to upgrade to five, and that was exciting too.

Which made it incredibly frustrating when it took James five minutes of staring at a piece of what looked like simple steel but felt like a metal hummingbird and smelled like an air freshener to realize that he just… couldn’t do it again.  There was something in the way, in his mind.  “Wow.”  He said out loud, interrupting Anesh and Alanna making out, an event that he hadn’t noticed starting as he had been busy glaring at an inanimate object.  “That’s… really annoying.”

”I’ll put you in the list of ‘no duplicates’.”  Anesh said.

”Yeah.  Alright, well hey, Zhu, you want to try-“

”Yes!”  The navigator settled his taloned hand over James’ palm, ghostly feathered arm pressing into James’ own limb and sinking into him slightly.  “I never get dungeon magic!”

James snorted.  “That’s such bullshit, you got two dozen yellow orbs, an absorbed blue I can see inside you , and you got that one purple that lets you glow brighter.”  He reached through his skulljack braid, looking for the spreadsheet that would tell him exactly how much Zhu was lying, but even at the speed of thought he wasn’t quick enough before the navigator had absorbed the gear.  “Wow, that was even faster than me.”  He said, clearly proud of Zhu for the impressive act.  “Actually, Anesh, do you have…”

”I have two more, because we already planned for Zhu to try.”  Anesh handed over another small gear.  “Though I assume that…” He didn’t get through the sentence before Zhu had slid a talon into the center of the gear, spun it twice, then clutched it into powder.  “…huh.”

”This is easy!”  Zhu said.  “Can I try again?  Please?”

”He’s gonna catch up to me.”  James laughed as Zhu ate the third gear with no problem, bringing the navigator up to three total Velocity before he found that he couldn’t get a fourth copy down.  “Actually, hey, Anesh, you’re headed downstairs after this, right?  Can you take Zhu to get some of the map scraps?”

Zhu agreed eagerly.  ”Yes!  I need spells to test this on, and also don’t want to be on James’ date as a weird extra person!  Is there a term for that?  You three would probably know.  Someone that isn’t there for romance.”

”Is he…” Alanna coughed out a laugh, “Zhu are you fucking with us?”

”No?”

”Cool.  I’m going to my shift.”  She laughed, brushing orange feathers aside to lean in and kiss James before leaving.  “Have fun boys!”  Alanna told them as she walked off, pausing briefly only to talk to a few other Responders at one of the tables near the door and steal some of their shared charcuterie.

James and Anesh watched her go for a minute, partly because her abrupt exit allowed for a quiet moment between the two, and also partly because they both liked how Alanna looked when she did that casual stroll of a walk that she used when she felt like the world couldn’t possibly slow her down.  “Okay.  Zhu, come on over.”  Anesh said as he finished up the notes he was taking and spreading through the Order’s servers.  He held out his arm, unnecessarily, to let the growing navigator flow from James to him, feathers with an opalescent sheen underneath the orange sprouting across his neck and arms and an eye manifesting on the side of Anesh’s neck.

”Hmm.  Interesting.”  Zhu commented as he settled into James’ boyfriend.  “I never thought about this before, but I’m… being thought by all three of you, aren’t I?  I’m not on James right now, but I can still feel the growth from his new thoughts.”

”Well, that does rather make it certain that navigators and assignments can spread in the same way.  And you’re certainly heavier now.”  Anesh stood up, shifting as he found his new balance and closing up his box of magic.  “James, I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”  The two hugged briefly before breaking off, Anesh heading down to store the extra stuff in the vault.  “Let’s go get you some spells so you don’t have to be a third wheel.”

Zhu rumbled like tires on packed gravel.  ”Third wheel!  That’s a great phrase!  Did you make that up?”  James heard his friend asking Anesh before they turned the corner at the end of the hall.

_____

James got intercepted by Nate when he was getting on the elevator down to the basement they had an apartment complex in.  There were a few other people, a skinny ratroach and a thick camraconda working together to haul a tall cardboard box, and a pair of younger humans gossiping a little too loudly about their classmates.

Nate interposed himself between James and the elevator door just as it was closing, making the space deeply uncomfortable.  No one liked having someone stare at them while on an elevator; it was common courtesy that you avoided eye contact and spoke as little as possible.

Not that Nate gave a single flying fuck about courtesy.  “I need to talk to you about your newest stray.”  He told James bluntly, silencing the other conversations as everyone paused to see if he was talking to them.

“I feel like you’ve worked here long enough and we’re on good enough terms that I can tell you that’s a stupid fucking thing to say.”  James stated casually, getting a shocked snicker from the teenagers and a slight deepening of Nate’s glower.  “You’re going to have to at least try to narrow it down.  Do you mean the Status Quo prisoners who are still with us?  The five guys from the powerplant that are staying on as delvers or maybe Response?   The dozen new ratroaches in isolation?  The two new camracondas in-“

”Stop.”  Nate crossed his thick arms and flicked his eyes at the others in the elevator.  “Not here.”

”You’re getting another fifteen seconds of me listing off rescues then.”  James said defiantly.  “Let’s see… no new friend shaped friends from the Climb that I know of.  There’s Cam, I guess.  Oh, the strider and its clone who came back with us, and also a bunch of iLipedes.  One of them has a food delivery app that we think teleports food, or maybe straight up creates it from nothing.  There’s-”

The elevator doors dinged open and Nate backpedaled, waiting for James to join him and break away from the others.

”I wished to know about the iLipedes…” the camraconda said in an almost morose digital tone.

”Check with Juan, I think!”  James called back as he followed Nate off to a side passage and away from the foot traffic that the basement had more of these days.  It wasn’t crowded, but it was something they needed to be aware of as they kept growing.  “Okay.  So it’s Cam?”  James wasn’t his partner; he couldn’t read auras or whatever Alanna did with her Empathy.  But he had a good chunk of social perception skills now, and he’d noticed Nate’s tiny reaction when he’d said Camille’s name.

Nate gave a single shape nod.  “She told you what she is yet?”

”It didn’t come up.”  James hadn’t asked.  He was curious, because he was always curious, and he wanted to know everything about every magic ever.  But the only actually important things when it came to other people, magic or not, was if they were doing alright and could be trusted.  “I know she’s one of Lloyd’s… ‘daughters’.  Eugh.”  Even saying that felt gross to him.

The conversation paused as Nate waited for a lost looking ratroach to scurry by.  James wanted to help, but they were headed for the elevator, and someone would be able to help them in a second.  It seemed like Nate was really focused on this one thing.

”Just so you know, she’s not human.”  Nate said in a low tone, just for James to hear.

”Kay.”  James wasn’t actually sure if Nate thought that was a bad thing.  “Did she tell you that?”

”We’ve talked.  She’s open about anything, but she doesn’t know where she or her sisters come from.  And then I saw her medical file.”

James frowned.  “Are you even supposed to be able to see that?”

”Her blood isn’t human.  Medical isn’t even sure if she has DNA.” Nate blazed past James’ concern.  “I’m telling you this for two reasons.  One, Lloyd can make more of them.  Not a lot, not at a high rate, but in a year he could have a platoon of these things.  And the armor is for show.  Her body doesn’t obey physics, and she’s very bulletproof.”

”That is worth worrying about.  We don’t actually know if Lloyd is going to be mad at us.  What’s reason two?”

”Figured you’d want to know for your love life.”  Nate said, meeting James’ eyes in a steady stare.

That held for about ten seconds before James cracked, and Nate dropped his facade, giving a small smug grin.  “Wow, that got me.  Yeah, I don’t think I’ll… actually, no, fuck off, you don’t need to know who I’m dating.”  James shook his head.  “Okay.  I don’t think I need to know this.  If someone is actively infiltrating us, tell me.  But if someone’s species is the only weird point-“

”That’s not even fucking close to the only weird point with that lady.”  Nate countered.  “We’re trying to fold her into rogue operations, and she’s planning ops like she’s CIA trained.”

”Okay terrifying.  But I’m serious.  I don’t care if she’s human or not.  Do you ?  Half your kitchen staff aren’t human.  Also stop doing two jobs .”  James felt like he had a million problems all coming to the fore all at once.

Nate brushed off most of them.  “I care that she’s hiding something.”

”Did you ask her if she’s human?”

”…No.”

”Ask her if she’s human.”  James sighed and stepped away from the wall, looking up and down the well lit and cleaned up corridor as he oriented himself.  “I’ve got stuff to do tonight.  And I’m betting you do too.”

Nate grumbled something as James left, raising his voice to call out after the retreating paladin.  “There’s dungeontech integration training tomorrow!”

”I know!  Goodbye Nate!” Came the reply yell, startling the people near James as he passed the elevator.

_____

The door in front of James was a normal front door.  Good, solid, and way too close to the doors on either side.  One of the perks of having an apartment building where space was overlapped with itself was that it wasn’t actually a longer walk than normal to get to any given apartment.  Sure, there were more of them, but you weren’t walking past the whole sixty feet of a living space; only the five or so of the door that led to it.

There was a wobbly little handmade clay pot with a bunch of glass beads in it sitting on the ground to the right of the door.  A thing that James thought was supposed to be a sculpture of a frog sitting on top of it.  It was simple and flawed and it made the space feel like the most precious home ever.

Also for some reason the door made James exceptionally nervous.

”I’ve asked people out on dates before.”  He grumbled to himself.  “Right?  I’m sure I’ve…” James trailed off as he made a grim realization.  He went on dates with people he was dating .  His romantic experience pre-Anesh-and-Alanna was basically nothing, and every time he told someone he was interested in them, it was while he was getting shot at.

”Oh my god.”  James exhaled to no particular deity.  “How have I made it this far in life.”

The question was rhetorical.  But it was the perfect little bit of humor to bury his anxiety in and make knocking on the door easier.

The door to Arrush and Keeka’s apartment cracked open almost the instant after James’ knuckles made contact the first time, causing the people on both sides of the barrier to jump in alarm.  The human with a hiss of air, the ratroach with a startled squeal and the first moves of shifting into a fighting stance.

Arrush stopped himself before he lashed out at James.  Not just because it was James , but because it could have been anyone, and even if he needed to constantly remind himself, he was still determined to stop accidentally hurting anyone.  It had been a while since he’d reflexively clawed someone, and he wanted to keep that record building.

“Hi!”  James said, covering his racing heart with a cheerful raised hand.  “Good timing!  Wanna go get dinner?”  It was a lot easier to ask when you were already recovering from being jump scared.

“Wh-why?”  Arrush asked, recovering admirably and wiping the line of blue glow from his chin, all seven eyes moving just a little out of sync to focus on James’ face.  “Is something wrong?  Did I do something wrong?”

The mild panic in Arrush’s tone worried James. ”…No?”  He stepped back, giving the big ratroach space.  “Are you doing alright?”  He asked in a lowered voice.

“S-sorry.”  Arrush stammered, moving to step back into his apartment.

”I… uh… I wasn’t prepared for this.”  James muttered.  “I’m actually asking!  You seem like you’re having a bad day.  Is there anything I can do to help?” He’d been sorta roughly planning on a date of some kind, but if James had learned anything about being a paladin, it was that plans didn’t last, and adaptability was better.

Arrush froze, door partly closed, and took a series of breaths like he was panting.  Grinding his fangs against each other, he looked up, and gave James a quick nod that dripped a single bit of corrosive drool onto the carpet.  “I am… I am… haaah.”  He forced himself to breathe everything his modified lungs had out, and then tried again.  “Supposed to be going to an appointment.  Don’t know why it’s… this.  Doing this.  I don’t like it.”

Pursing his lips, James gave an understanding nod.  “That sounds like anxiety. “ He said sadly.  “Well, want me to come along?  I dunno if I can help much, but-“

”Yes!”  Arrush threw himself onto the offer.  “I mean… I would like… that?”

“Alright.”  James easily nodded.  “Were you heading out now?”  Arrush gave what felt like a sheepish look at the ground, before he nodded back.  “Lead the way.”  He stepped back, and gestured stylishly, opening the way for his friend to escape his apartment.

Arrush started to walk down the surprisingly short hall to the exit into the garden courtyard, and James fell in beside him.  Even covered by a thick black hoodie, the way Arrush’s shoulders were pulled tight and his extra arms were tightly clutched against his side and back was obvious.  He was tense , looking more like how James remembered him being when he and Keeka first arrived here than was probably healthy.

As they walked, a pair of younger kids James didn’t actually recognize ran by.  They couldn’t possibly be teenagers, but they were laughing as they scrambled past and bolted into the apartment next to Arrush’s, not even sparing a glance for the ratroach as they went by.  James tried to think of how many actual human children were here, and couldn’t quite come up with a number.  There was Ava, who was currently grounded for the rest of her life, and…

And he ran out of names.  Liz and Morgan were ‘kids’, but they were, what, eighteen or nineteen now?  Someone else must have moved in that had children.  There was an open offer to most of the Order, since they had spare apartments and could always make more.  Or maybe it was the family of someone who’d survived one of the many crises, it could even just be a family that was temporarily displaced from the Yamhill fires.

It was still kinda cool to see people just utterly fail to even flinch at Arrush’s form.  It made James feel proud of them, in a way that he worried might be self aggrandizing, but also that he still did think was critically important to building the future.

Arrush didn’t say anything as he guided them out of the apartments, through the bamboo and fern park that the basement had been transformed into, and up a flight of stairs to a different, slightly less deep basement.

This basement was familiar to James.  “So… where are we going?”  He asked as the mostly calm halls of the basement they’d taken over for residential and community affairs were replaced by the utter unhinged madness of whatever Research was doing in their halls.

”I’m supposed to talk to someone.”  Arrush said cryptically, eyes flicking across every human, camraconda, and stray iLipede that was walking, slithering, or crawling on the walls past them.  “About…ahhhhh…” his voice cracked in a pained whine as he started hyperventilating again.

James gently set a hand on the back of Arrush’s hoodie, fingers spread out as he tested how much pressure was comfortable for his friend.  “Hey.”  He said as Arrush faltered but kept walking.  “I’m not-“

”No, no.  No.  Fine.  I’m fine.”  Arrush coughed as he forced the insistence onto himself.  “I am fine.  And am going to talk about changing.”

”Change… oh !”  James tried to offer a comforting smile.  “That sounds terrifying, but also cool, but also like a huge change, so I get why you’re having trouble.”  He said simply, letting his hand drop, before having his fingers caught by one of Arrush’s claws.  James didn’t resist, letting the ratroach clutch at his hand as they kept walking through the magically extended hallways of the Research basement.  “Out of curiosity, why not bring Keeka along?”

”It makes him nervous too.”  Arrush said.  “If I asked… if I asked he would say yes.  But then I would worry about him.  I can worry about myself, but worrying about him hurts.”

Nodding sadly, James adjusted his fingers, interweaving them with Arrush’s claws before realizing he was holding one of the ratroach’s extra limbs in a way that made it effortless to walk alongside each other.  Having bonus arms with that level of flexibility really was handy, even if they weren’t exactly stable.

He didn’t really know what else to say, and felt like just talking for the sake of filling silence was a dumb idea.  Especially since the loud clang from somewhere within the basement that made both of them jump did an excellent job of filling the silence itself.  James listened closely, but didn’t hear anyone swearing or dying afterward, so it was… probably fine.

Eventually they ended up at a warm wooden door flanked by frosted glass windows, which James opened for Arrush and held for a minute as the ratroach caught his breath.  James had been here before, kind of often.  There were a few private rooms branching off of this little space, possibly the result of a green orb, and the few people who worked as therapists of different specialties for the Order made this place their own.   Definitely of green orb origin was the fact that there was an open window letting late afternoon sunlight and warm air in.  Something that would have been weird for the front room even if they weren’t in a basement.

There wasn’t even a wait.  Deb and Lua were waiting for them as they entered.  Well, waiting for Arrush.  But the fact that the big guy was insistently holding onto James’ hand meant that he got towed into the pleasantly cozy room and had a seat at the round table.

”So!”  Lua began, and James recognized the kind of powerfully projected good vibes that Sarah tended to use all the time.  “Hello Arrush, hello James.  I see you brought a friend along.” Arrush just nodded anxiously in a tiny movement of his triangular head.  “Completely fine, your comfort is the most important thing here.  Now, we’re not committing to anything today, this is just the start of the process, alright?  Deb and I will have questions, and if at any point, you need to not answer so you can take time to think, that’s okay.  The important thing is to get you thinking for the deeper planning later, and to start to figure out what kind of learning you’ll need to work on, okay?”

”O-ookay.”  Arrush choked out, his claw tightening on James’ hand that he still hadn’t let go of.

James leaned over and whispered lightly into the side of the hood next to him.  “Careful, your claws are sharp.” Arrush instantly let go, and it was only then that they both realized how tight that grip had been.

”Cute.”  Deb said dryly without looking up from the laptop she had out.

”Deborah…” Lua sighed, and James got the impression this kind of back and forth happened a lot in these meetings.

Deb chose to power through and avoid any kind of reproach.  “So Arrush.  We’ve got twenty gallons of shaper substance for you, and a lot of magical support to go along with it.  The body you’re in now is…” she glanced at Lua, who was doing her best to still project calm joy while also being prepared to strangle Deb if she finished that sentence in an unsatisfactory way.  “…it has some problems.   At the very least , we’d like to fix any issues you have.  But because of how shaper substance has a compounding failure rate, if you want any big changes made, now is the time to do it.”

Lua smiled and set her hands on the table between them.  “So let’s start with a big question that’s not so simple.  What would you like to be?”

Arrush sucked in a long breath, filling the multiple regrown lung chambers he had in his chest.  “I don’t know.”  He answered quickly, before continuing to try to explain himself, half looking at James with some of his eyes as he pulled his hood back now that he felt a little more comfortable.  “I don’t… being a ratroach feels bad.  But Keeka is, and now that he changed, he loves what he is.  I don’t know if I could do that though.”

Starting to open his mouth, James was cut off by a gently raised hand from Lua.  Her palm coming up off the table to let him know that while he probably had a lot to say, he could save it for later.  She addressed Arrush directly.  “There isn’t a right answer.”  Lua said.

”Well, there technically is.  You do have to pick something .”  Deb chimed in.

Lua took a long blink, keeping her composure even as Arrush and James both wondered if laughing was polite here.  “Yes, you do have to choose.”

”Because you’ll die if you go in unprepared.”

”…yes thank you Deb.   Emotionally , what matters is that you select a form that fits you, personally.”  Lua said with a sigh.  “So far, the others who have gone through the process have chosen to remain similar to the original ratroach species, but the changes don’t really leave them as the same thing.  No matter what you pick as a base, you will be someone unique and special.  So the most important thing is that you feel that you would enjoy living as the body you choose.”

”…could I be a camraconda?”  Arrush asked.  He didn’t really want to be, but he was curious.

Deb took over the answer.  “Technically yes, but also sort of no.”  She said.  “I’m pretty sure we could give you a serpent style form, and I know the shaper substance can work with their unique biorubber cord body, if you give it a sample.  But I doubt we could give you the ability to freeze things, or the matter annihilation stomach engine they have.  Probably could do the electromagnetic spectrum vision though.”

”Oh.”  Arrush looked down, then back up.  “I don’t… want that.  But I could see more?”

”Yeah, probably.  It might require a sample to replicate during the process, but we have those. You would be a test subject though.”  Deb answered.

Arrush slumped a bit, thinking over the words, and Lua picked up the conversation.  “A way that we’ve found works well is to think of if there are parts of yourself you would actively change, and then work from there to decide what you would change them too .”

”Everything hurts.”  Arrush said.  “Breathing during talking is still hard.  I melt things.  Shirts don’t fit.”

”Yeah, that’s all on the standard list.”  Deb nodded.  “We can handle that.  There’s also a baseline thing for fixing up your other internal organs, adding a pancreas, and fixing your fur and chitin.”  She glanced at Lua.  “Uh… if you choose to stay ratroach.”  She added.

”There isn’t any pressure to-“

”What would you be?”  Arrush asked James suddenly.

James started, sitting up straighter in his comfy therapy chair.  “Me?  Uh… moth lizard thing.”  He said.  “Probably.  It seems cool.  Humanoid frame still, but just mess with stuff to be fuzzier and maybe able to climb walls.”

”…would you have moth wings?”  Arrush asked tentatively.

”Probably!”

”Can I  have wings?”  Arrush asked Lua.

”We can put that on the wishlist, of course!”  She said, making a note on her pad.

At her elbow, Deb had a different response.  “We can probably do that, but again, test subject.  At some point I want to try using the Climb spell that gives people wings, then enforcing them to permanence with the… this isn’t important, sorry.”  She cleared her throat.  “Wings, maybe.”

”I think… I think I want to be like this, but better.”  Arrush said, his voice very small.  “I don’t want to change.  I mean… I mean I know I need to change, but I don’t…”

”Deep breath.”  Lua’s calm voice instructed, demonstrating and guiding Arrush out of his building panic.  “There is nothing wrong with wanting your body to be better, but still familiar.”

”But…” Arrush twisted to look at James again.

James snorted.  “Oh, don’t mind me.  We’ve talked about this, I think you’re cute.  Don’t change for me; I’ll still think you’re cute whatever you end up as.  Oh!  I could text Keeka and see if he says exactly the same thing!”  James surreptitiously pulled out his phone and started tapping.

”Oh…” Arrush’s exposed skin flushed neon green.  “Okay.”  He said, unable to hide the beaming smile on his muzzle.

Lua’s own smile gave him a continual source of reassurance too.  “Support from people who care about you is so important.  It seems like you have good people in your life.”  She phrased it almost like a question, prompting Arrush to nod back and nudging him into actively acknowledging the good in himself.  “Now, we can talk about Deb’s experimental wing idea later…” the words sounded strained from the therapist, but she pushed through, “…but for now, let’s talk some more about things that bother you day to day.”

Her soothing voice and calm method of both reining in Deb and getting answers from Arrush made the minutes fly by as she got him to think about different parts of himself and what he’d like to change, remove, or add.  Antenna, eyes, teeth, the color of his fur even.  Arm positioning, yes, but also number of limbs and shapes of hands.  They weren’t nailing down specifics, just getting Arrush to think about answers.

Even if he had answers to a lot of them.  Smoother antenna, more fur, less chitin, balanced and standardized eyes, hands with stronger thumbs.

No pain, if possible.  No itching lines between the fused parts of him.  Also if possible he would like to not be an obligate omnivore anymore, a thing that James hadn’t realized was the case, and which made him even angrier at the Akashic Sewer for having an environment where there was almost nothing in the vegetable category available for the people who clearly needed it.

”How about your tails?”  Lua asked toward the end of the questioning.  “How do you like them?”

Arrush blushed an even brighter green than when James had complimented him.  “Oh… I… ah…”

”Ratroach tails tend to be an erogenous zone.”  Deb answered in a clinically professional tone. “James, before you say anything, it’s because it makes it easier to hurt them, and yes, the Sewer is awful.  Arrush, if you like that, I recommend keeping them, though other ratroaches have enjoyed success with fur layers or chitin banding in different ways.”

”O-oh.  Fur sounds nice.  I do like them.”  Arrush said in a small little squeak of a voice.  “Or… if I’m not fighting…”

Lua patted the back of one of his paws.  “We’re going to start with the assumption that your body should be perfect for your life, not for your battles.”  She said.

Arrush gave an unsteady nod, like he didn’t quite accept it, but he didn’t say anything.  And into that space, Deb lunged like a conversational ambush predator.  “Now since Lua always makes me ask, how do you want to handle any genital modifications?  We’ve got options.”

As Arrush struggled not to light up with his glowing blush again, James decided he couldn’t go the whole time without quipping.  “ Can you give him two dicks?”  He asked rapidly.

”James!”

”Oh, yeah, that’s pretty easy.  A few people have gone for that option so far.  I’ll put it on the list.”

” Deborah .”

”…I…I wouldn’t… I mean, if I had…”

James grinned widely, running his hand along the back of Arrush’s sweatshirt.  “I was kidding, I’m sorry.  But hey, if it turns out this unlocks a kink you didn’t know you had, I’m happy to take credit.”

Lua settled her face in her hands.  “Well, this has been a productive session.  Arrush, thank you for taking this more seriously than these two.  I’m going to give you homework, which is to keep thinking about what you’d like to be.”  She looked up from her cupped palms, wiping strands of hair out of her face.  “Imagine yourself in different situations, as a different form.  Which ones make you excited?  Which ones make you feel wrong?  If you can, try to keep small notes about what little bits stand out to you.  And we’ll meet again in a week to start to put together a final ‘look’ for your body.  From there, the medical team will have required learning for you to go through to make sure everything goes smoothly.  Does that sound good?”

”Yes.”  Arrush said instantly.  “Yes.  It does.  I didn’t think… I didn’t know what I would want.  But thank you.  I want to be different, somehow, and now that…” He trailed off, chest rising and falling heavily as he worked to breathe.

”Now that you’ve started, it all seems so much easier?”  Lua tilted her head, giving him that calming smile.  “We hear that a lot.  Thank you for coming.  And James, thank you for offering mostly quiet support.”

”I’m helping!” James declared.

Despite his cheerful voice, he said it with the kind of dismissiveness that he used toward a lot of the things he did.  But the honest gratitude in Arrush’s eyes as he looked at James, and the thankful nod that Lua gave him, forced him to consider that maybe he actually was useful in some way.

He’d always wanted to be useful.  But truly feeling it in quiet moments like this was new and different.  And he liked it.

James stayed mostly quiet as the others finalized their goodbyes, lingering a little awkwardly in the entrance as he waited for Arrush and then holding the door open for the tan furred ratroach as they walked back out into the basement’s halls and James had to mentally slap himself as a reminder that despite the windows in there they weren’t on the ground floor.

”I’m embarrassed enough to crawl away and nap.”  Arrush said.  “That was so many questions.  You know so many things now.  It’s not fair.”

”I mean, you can ask me questions if you want?”  James offered.  “My body is way less interesting though.”

”Really?”  It wasn’t clear if Arrush was challenging the part about James being interesting, or asking if he was allowed to interrogate him.

James avoided answering with a smile.  “So, it’s okay to say no if you’re tired, but would you like to go out to dinner?  There’s a pizza place around the corner if you feel up to it.”

”I…” Arrush stopped, lagging behind as he tilted his snout to the side and blinked in a flickering cascade of eyes.  “I can try that.”  He said.  “Who else?”

”No, like, just you.”  James said with a grin.  “I wanted to go on an actual date with you.”

Arrush lit up even brighter than when Deb had started explaining dick options.  “ Oh. ”  He tried to say, the word coming out as a wet choke in his surprise.  “Y-yes!  I would like that!”  Arrush agreed with undisguised excitement.

”Cool!”  James took a turn, leading them past Rufus and Umbra’s paranormal garden room, and toward the elevator.  Maybe he normally would have felt awkward, or worried, or some other energy sapping emotion.  But Arrush had said yes, everything was completely fine, and he was feeling suave and in control of his life, and he got to get pizza with a cute guy he liked.  “Just let me know at any point if you wanna head back.”  He said as they got to the elevator.

All he got back was a nod, and Arrush shifting closer to him as they rode up to the ground floor of the Lair.  

They passed by the growing reptile zone, and James waved at a couple people setting up part of their expensive front space for some event going on later.  Pushing out into the parking lot, James took a refreshed breath of warm spring air, complete with exhaust fumes from the main road just up the little hill from the Lair.

”God dammit.”  He coughed, laughing as he did so.  Arrush tentatively patted him on the back, and James leaned into the sensation of the touch through his shirt as he cleared his lungs.  “Alright!  This way!”  He said, hoping to override any worry Arrush had about being in public with sheer willpower.  James had learned a lot from Sarah, including how to try to channel happiness into the local universe.

They strolled for a while, James leading them across recessed parking lots that were mostly empty in the evening, rather than actually putting them next to the road.  Cars were useful in a lot of ways, but they sucked to walk near.

”What happens on a date?”  Arrush asked suddenly as they passed a building that claimed to manufacture batteries but James had never seen anyone go into, despite it being a close neighbor of the Lair.

James hummed.  “Well.  Okay.”  He spread his hands.  “I should say that I’m not good at dating.”  He started with.

”You are dating… a lot.”  Arrush pointed out with a cracked muzzle.

”Ah!  No, I’m dating  a few people.  I don’t date .  It’s different, and I’m sorry this language is weird sometimes.”  He laughed lightly.  “Anyway, I dunno!  I think we hang out, get some food, and just talk about whatever is on our minds.  Do that thing where we make casual conversation, that sometimes leads to us sharing deeper things that are important to us.  See where it goes.”  James stretched his arms up over his head, looking up at the sky’s evening color.  “What do you want to do on a date?”  He asked.

Arrush thought about it.  “Is that allowed?”  He asked eventually.  “We can make it up?”

”Arrush, we made up almost everything about how life in the Order works.”

A contemplative clicking met him in response.  Next to him, Arrush also looked up at the sky, his sandaled feet making sharp slaps on the asphalt as he walked with James.  “I’m still afraid of almost everything.”  He said.  “Except for a few  things.  Keeka is one.  I could never be afraid of him.  But also, you.”  Arrush raised several arms in a mimicry of James’ stance.  “If we are making it all up… I just want to be here.”  Arrush said.

”Here in this parking lot?”  James asked irreverently.

”Here wherever you are making jokes.”  Arrush said.  “I like the jokes.”  He admitted quietly, dropping his larger arms back to his sides, but keeping many of his eyes angled upwards.  Then, unable to keep the crooked and cheeky grin off his muzzle, he added, “I said something important.  Now you have to say something casual.”

James blinked, then burst out into a hearty laugh.  “Oh!”  He eventually exclaimed.  “Is that how this works?  Okay, okay!  I think one of the camracondas got a fake ID, and it’s been on my mind a lot.”  James admitted.  “Like, I cannot stop giggling internally.”

”…whhhhy?”  Arrush couldn’t think of what was funny about it.  Obviously they’d need some kind of social camouflage; the government of this polity was arranged to be preemptively hostile to nonhuman life.  It wasn’t their fault, but it was a real concern a lot of the people in his support group talked about, especially the camracondas.

James knew that, but didn’t really feel it all the time, so his answer was a little more along the line of absurdist humor.  “I just keep thinking that it’s gonna be a driver’s license with a camraconda name, and then a picture of an average human?”  He stopped, and leaned back, staring at nothing.  “Or, even better, that it is just straight up a picture of a camraconda, and they’re going for a kind of refuge in audacity.  Or they have it just to buy alcohol because they’re only six years old and not twenty one.”

”You can’t… buy things?  Unless you’re old enough?”  Arrush might have been doing something wrong.

”Just alcohol and some other drugs.  Also rental cars, for a variety of statistical reasons.”  James shrugged.  “Guns.  Uh… other legal licenses for businesses or things.  Most accounts with ongoing services.  Cough syrup.  As I make this list I’m realizing that we might have a problem.”

”Your problem is strange.”  Arrush gave a chittering light laugh.  “Now something special.”

James felt like it might not perfectly work to flip between casual and deeply intimate like that on demand, but he still felt like trying.  “The other thing that’s been on my mind is something about us.”  He said, almost too quietly to be heard over the truck passing nearby.  “I think it was Sarah who said something about this the other day, and dumped some common sense into my brain.  You’re different , you know?”

”I also… talked to Sarah about it.  I know.  I’m sor-“ Arrush stopped his reflexive apology as James tapped him on the nose.

Continuing unabated, James acted like he’d heard nothing so foolish as an apology.  ”Now that you say that first part, I’m remembering that it was literally your interview on her podcast.  But yeah!  Being different isn’t bad.  Personally, I’m a fan of it.  What I wanted to say was that, if I do something that ignores something you need, let me know, okay?  Like, earlier, when Lua was asking you questions about changes you want to make, she said you were an obligate omnivore.   I didn’t know that .  I’ve made food for you before, and I didn’t even know what your diet was.  And I wanna know about you.  I like you.  I think it’s amazing how much you’ve changed since you joined us, and sometimes you open your mouth and say the greatest stuff, but I don’t want to accidentally think of you as… as like a human that looks different, you know?”

”I don’t think so.”  Arrush said as they finally had to abandon the plan of crossing parking lots and lawns and cross a street to get where they were going.  It was so scary, to think that every person in every one of these cars would be seeing him, out in the open.  Any of them could kill him by accident, and that was before they saw what he really was.  He didn’t know how humans handled the fear, so he just moved closer to James, and hoped that would be enough.  “Isn’t that good?  To treat… it sounds wrong to say ‘my people’, but they are.  To treat ratroaches as equals?”

”Equals?   Absolutely.  But you’re not the same .”  James emphasized it, trying to think of how to phrase his point.  “You’ve never had to be the same to be valuable.  I hope we’ve taught you all that.  But I wanted to make sure you, personally, knew that you don’t need to try to pretend to be something you aren’t, just to make me happy.”

”I would though!”  Arrush said eagerly.

James winced as the light turned.  “Ooooh, no.”  He shook his head as they hurried through the crosswalk.  “That puts way too much responsibility on me!  I’m not a responsible person!”

Arrush took his own turn to lightly stretch out a paw and flick the tip of his claw against James’ nose, getting a yelp in reply.  “The only time you ever lie is about yourself.”  Arrush said.  “Why do you do th-that?”

”Depression, mostly.  Though it’s a lot better these days!”  James said as he pointed them at an angle going straight across a field and then an open lot to reach the door of a pizza place that looked like it was absolutely haunted.  “Also, how’re you doing?  Breath okay?”

The ratroach nodded.  “Somehow.  Maybe wahh-walking helps?”

”Okay.”  James opened the door and held it for his friend.  The inside was pleasantly lit, clean, and looked nothing like the crumbling brick of the outside.  There seemed to be two solitary employees, one half visible back in the kitchen, the other one up front filling plastic cups with ranch dressing, and both of them watched James and Arrush enter.  James tried to ignore the staring in favor of the pizzas on display in the front case.  “What do you feel like.”

”Hiding.”  Arrush answered, pulling his hood over his antenna and down past half his eyes before tugging on the drawstring.

James set a gentle hand on his arm.  “I bet you a dollar that they just think you have a cool costume.”

”That’s worse.”  Arrush said.  “Dh-don’t know how.  But it’s worse.”

”Actually it’s cause you’re the first people to come in for an hour.  The owner picked a really dumb location.”  The guy behind the counter said.  “Cool not costume though!”

Arrush straightened up, blinking in light confusion.  “Oh.”  He said simply.  “Thank you.”  He stayed mostly quiet as they picked out their food though, trying to use James as cover despite being a foot taller than his walking wall.  When they got a table in the corner, Arrush sagged in relief as he got to sit out of sight of anyone else.  “ Now can I be sorry?”  He asked.

”Nah.”  James said simply as he spun his plate around to get at the slice he’d ordered.  “I did exactly the same thing for most of my twenties.”

”I’m going to be sorry anyway.”  Arrush protested, crossing his smaller limbs defiantly as he tried to lift his own pizza with a claw that punched through the crust a little too easily.

James grinned at him around a bite of food.  “So, to divert from that to something I’ve been curious about, how’s life at the Lair been?”  He said in a muffled voice as he chewed.

Arrush tugged at the pizza that he’d sunk his fangs into, the cheese seeming to be some kind of infinite source of matter from which there was no mistake.  Eventually, after entangling a claw in strands of the stuff, he managed to get through his bite, get past James shaking in quiet laughter, and come up with a reply.  “Different.”  Arrush said.

”Different?”

”Not the same.”

James blinked at the smugly delivered clarification, the corner of his mouth quirking up as he realized just how proud of his joke Arrush was.  It was adorable.  Or at least, he adored it.  “ How is it different, you… something.”   James sadly wasn’t like Sarah, with an endless library of inoffensive goofball names to call people.

Deciding to give an answer after biting one of his pizza slices in half, Arrush swallowed and let his biology handle the greasy food.  “New people, new things.  And… and I  was part of it.  I helped you bring back things.  Lives changed because of us.  I don’t know how I feel about it.”

”It’s a big thing to live with.”  James nodded in solemn agreement.  “But I like to think that we’re using our magic to make the changes good.  I more meant, like, how’s your daily life  going.  Not… uh… ‘how’s the burden of responsibility for helping to find an iLipede that might help with ratroach medical treatment feel’.  That was you, right?”

”That was me.”  Arrush flushed neon, twisting his head away so fast his barbed antenna danced like they were on springs.  “It’s small though.  The table is-“

” The table .”  James wanted to drop his head to the surface of their current table, but didn’t want to deal with headbutting his pizza.  “That thing!”

Arrush made a clever deduction.  ”…you do not like the table.”

”I don’t like… uh… I love the table, and what it does.  And also it’s such a massive risk in terms of turning everything into a confusing mess, and I don’t know how to handle it.”

”Do yuh-you… do you think it isn’t?  A mess.  Isn’t a mess.”  Arrush asked.  “Everything is so big.  Our food is even from other worlds.”

James jerked to a frozen pose, mouth open.  “Wh… what?”

”In the kitchen.  I help there, and the boxes of fruit come from other worlds.  Like Argentina.  Or Mexico.”

”Those are countries, they’re still on this world.  Also you speak Spanish, which is the primary language in at least one of those places, which makes me wonder what kind of weird dungeon knowledge imprint you got that could give you a language and not that kind of extra information.   But , to be fair, those places are thousands of miles away, so… yeah, I mean, the human web of logistics and transport and farming and economics that links distant parts of our planet and sends us bananas is pretty messy.”

Arrush pointed at James with the crust of a slice of pizza.  “You argue with yourself.”  He declared.

”Usually.”  James nodded in eager agreement.  “Also you didn’t really answer about your life!”

”It’s… good.  The best.  Perfect.”  Arrush wasn’t even sure he had words for it.  “I help with things, and no one screams or bites.  The new ratroaches, I can help without hurting.  I uh - understand you now.”

James jammed a finger into his chest.  ”Me, personally?”

A short and slow nod came back, to avoid drips.  “When we met.  You were so angry, but it wasn’t at Keeka, or at me.  It was… something that had been done to us, and you wanted to maim and ruin the Sewer, for what it did.  Now I know.”

”Ah.”  James got it.  Every little sortie into the Akashic Sewer brought out at least one or two ratroaches, and always had the potential to liberate the other species too, though they still hadn’t gotten any takers from them.  And every one of them arrived… not broken.  But at the same starting point.

Hurt, scared, hungry, infected, in constant pain, with bodies that were made to break, often half-mad from having had to live as prey for more aggressive siblings.  Traumatized beyond what many people would be able to take.  On edge and prepared to lash out in an instant if they felt threatened again, which happened often.

And someone had to be there for them.  Help get them warm and safe and healed.  The Recovery branch of the Order were more superheroes than James could ever hope to be, but they weren’t everywhere at once.  So they got help from others, himself included.  And Arrush included, too, apparently.

”Can I ask something?”  Arrush asked, in the time honored tradition of that conversational paradox.

”Sure!”  James shook himself out of his grim thoughts.  “What’cha thinking?”

Arrush interwove his claws under the table, looking downward and not meeting James’ eyes except with the upper pair of his own, and even then it was mostly by accident and because he couldn’t twist far enough to keep his whole head from seeing.  “Does… am I… are you boh-bothered by my age?”

”Oof.”  James leaned back, tossing the last crust of his own pizza like a bone onto the metal plate he’d been served on.  “Because you’re relatively young, right?”  Arrush gave a twitching nod.  “Okay.  So, I think I’m the wrong person to ask.”  James admitted.

”Why?”

”Well, I’m pretty fucking biased.”  James laughed roughly, waving a hand at Arrush as he leaned back.  “I asked you on a date.  I have an agenda.  So I can’t really be trusted.  I’ll just say something about how you’re not human and your relative maturity doesn’t line up in terms of lived years.  Which, like, is objectively true.  A three year old ratroach is absolutely different from a three year old human.”

”I… I am five.” Arrush sounded guilty about it.

”Yeah, and ratroaches that are one are roughly equivalent to humans in their early teen years.”  James said.  “That’s the thing I’ve noticed about dungeon creations.  Dungeons usually don’t seem to want long term investments, they want dangerous things now.  But even still , I… don’t know.  I don’t know what the ‘right’ number for ratroach age of consent should be.  I don’t know how to answer your question, and honestly, I tend to just not think about how old you are most of the time.  But yeah, it does make me kinda awkward, because I worry that I’m rationalizing and not actually giving real reasons.  We should actually nail down a real answer, and by we, I mean people in the Order who aren’t actively trying to date ratroaches or camracondas or something.”

Arrush still didn’t meet James’ comforting look.  “Can I tell you something bad?”  This question at least wasn’t paradoxical.  James nodded, eyes widening slightly.  He set a hand on the table, and let Arrush tentatively reach out to wrap awkwardly sharp claws around his fingers.  “I am… not a creation.”

”Oh?”  James thought he might know what the ratroach meant, but he didn’t want to push.

”I was born.  Ori… the Sewer still pushed thoughts into me.  But I wasn’t one of the hollows.”  Arrush jerked his hand back abruptly, grabbing for a wad of napkins from the dispenser on the table to rapidly try to stem the flow of tears from a few of his eyes.  “No no no…” he made a rapid clicking in his throat as the paper napkins hissed and smoked.

”Hey, it’s okay.”  James said calmly, pulling a few of his own napkins out and holding them open.  “Just dump that in here and we’ll toss it.  No worries.”  He considered trying to sink the ball of smoldering paper in the garbage can from here, but no amount of basketball practice would make him feel comfortable trying.  “I just… I get that it means something to you.  But I want you to know, right now, that how you came to be doesn’t change how I think of you, okay?”

”I keh-killed my mother.”  Arrush coughed wetly, pressing a secondary paw against half of his eyes, soaking up the corrosive glowing tears into the point where his chitin shifted to fur.  “Why don’t you care?”

James forced himself not to shrug, worried it might seem dismissive.  “Because… I dunno, because I know you.  I know people aren’t their pasts.  And you don’t blame a newborn for anything .  That’s stupid.  You survived.  And I’m glad you did, because you’re here now.”  He could keep rambling forever, about how just being alive meant that you could keep working to fix everything , including yourself, but he fell silent instead.  Let Arrush take rasping breaths and refill the extra lung chambers that talking always exhausted too quickly.

”S-sorry.”  Arrush huffed out eventually.  “Didn’t mean to be sad in a date.”

“Hah!  Arrush, please.  I can be sad anywhere, anytime .  You being sad during a romantic lunch is exactly on brand for all of my closest friends.”  James idly stacked their plates and let Arrush steal his last piece of crust, the ratroach sawing into it with his dripping fangs in a way that was fascinatingly effortless to watch.  “You can be as sad as you want.  Part of being my friend is that I’m here for you.  And, I dunno, maybe we’ll be more than friends.  Let’s see where it goes!”

Arrush nodded slowly as he melted the crunchy bite of bread.  Then he perked up.  “Oh!  A less sad question!  Is it… for you , is it uncomfortable to date someone that lives so far away?”

”…I… what?”

”Because Keeka and I live at the Lair.”

”I’m… I’m at the Lair almost every day.”  James said with head tilted confusion.  “Also that has never been a problem before.  I haven’t dated a lot, but Alanna didn’t start living with Anesh and me.  So it’s not that weird at all.  Is it to you?”

Arrush thought about it, staring up at the lamp over their table, deep in thought like he was trying to memorize the cone shape.  “I don’t know.”  He settled on with a firm conviction.

James laughed.  “Well, I’ve been wondering if I should move to the Lair anyway.”  He pretended not to notice how Arrush instantly showed a vibrating excitement.  Actually, he wondered if Arrush knew that his antenna straightened up as a tell.  “My apartment is great, but paying rent is a hassle, and wasting telepads every day feels… bad.  Like, they’re so important, and it feels silly.  Also the Lair is just safer.   Buuuuuut , I’m also just super happy with the green orb effects on my apartment?   The friendly dog thing is… like, I think I’d cry if I gave that up.  Oh, and holy shit, I’d have to explain everything to the landlords as part of the moveout inspection.  Uggggh.”

”The… what?”

”Oh.  So, I don’t actually ‘own’ the place I live.  I pay someone else to live there.  And when I move out, they’ll do an inspection to make sure I didn’t set anything on fire or trash the place or install a secret bonus closet or something.”

”Yuh-you did do th-that.  That last one.”  Arrush astutely pointed out.  “And a… basement?”

”Yup!”  James folded his arms, beaming happily in defiance of property law.  “So I’m just imagining the conversation where I have to explain “Oh, yes, this is the celler.  Yes I know we’re on the second floor and have downstairs neighbors, please don’t ask.  Oh, and a dog shows up every day.  You can just pet them, or keep them if you want, I guess.  Now, we didn’t modify the appliances , but the AC is 30% more effective and also food in the fridge goes bad slower I think.”  And then they’d look at me like I was crazy but also I’d get to show them the basement stairs and just…” James trailed off.  “I don’t think I’d even tell them about how we pay less rent than we’re supposed to.  I don’t even know what that looks like on their end.  Like, do they still get the amount they think they’re supposed to?  It’s so weird and I didn’t want to poke it too hard in case it broke.”

Arrush was covering the corners of his cracked muzzle with a pair of paws, snickering in increasingly energetic laughs as James spoke.  “Th-the Lair doesn’t charge rent.”  He offered helpfully.  “And we could… make dogs?”

”That’s a pretty strong case for moving.”  James nodded.  “Also… eh.  Our apartment now is laid out weird?  Like, we didn’t get a three bedroom place expecting that everyone involved would be dating each other.  Also, do you wanna get walking?  We can head back to the Lair.  Or, like, we could teleport over by my apartment and wander around the little nature trail there if you want.”

”I’d like that.”  Arrush said.  The two of them rose, and headed out, with James waving politely to the two people behind the counter.  Arrush tentatively waved too, but only James saw the sudden twitch of realization from the cashier when they noticed that Arrush waved with arms a human shouldn’t have.

The evening air felt good, even if it was starting to cool off quickly.  And James felt like he could have enjoyed walking forever like this.  He was feeling not just comfortable, but like he was exactly where he wanted to be in the moment.  And from Arrush’s perspective, while today had been a series of small terrors just like normal, there was also a bubbling excitement that maybe , not only was everything going to be okay, but that it would be excellent.

For both of them, it didn’t really occur to consider that the way they were feeling was the way they tended to feel about their extant partners.  James’ level of comfort was one that he tended to only really get around Anesh and Alanna.  And Arrush only ever felt like the world was truly bright when Keeka’s presence lit it up.

The two of them, partly oblivious to their own feelings, but enjoying themselves anyway, spent what felt like a long time walking and chatting about things that weren’t the fate of the world.  Arrush had a lot to say about his favorite parts of the Ceaseless Stacks when James asked about it, and the unfolding passion he had for delving that particular dungeon was a joy to see.  And James had a very him-typical explanation of his own take on polyamory when Arrush asked him about how they would handle the way they spent their romantic energy with the people they cared about.

A few people passed them.  People walking dogs or heading to or from dinner, one exhausted looking woman herding a flock of eight young kids who were super excited about everything.  Some people gave Arrush weird looks, but no one said anything, which was good, because James was prepared to fight the entire world for Arrush tonight.  The closest they got to anyone being rude was a girl from a pair of punk style mid-twenty-somethings excitedly asking Arrush if he was a furry and not seeming to know what to do when she got an awkward “no” as an answer.

Both of them talked about their other partners.  James hadn’t really realized how much he’d been excited by that simple thing, but he was.  Hearing Arrush gush about how happy Keeka was and how much he loved his boyfriend even when he was being a chaotic gremlin was perfect.  And in turn, he found he had a lot of fun memories to share of his own time with Alanna and Anesh.  And it wasn’t weird .  There were times, even in the Order that was dramatically more progressive than most other communities, where James felt like he was still partly an outsider because of his relationship.  But with Arrush, there was no judgment at all, no hesitation.  This wasn’t just normal for him, it was expected .  And that really did change how the conversation felt.

They traced the path of the trail in a loop of a couple miles before doubling back and ending up near the outside of James’ apartment.  And eventually, their date did need to end.  They were both exhausted from long days, and the decent walk hadn’t helped.  But James, still high on self-confidence, decided to take a chance ask something.

”Do you wanna come in?  And… maybe spend the night?”  He asked Arrush.  “It’s okay if not, I’ve got a spare telepad, if you wanna head home.  I don’t want you to feel-”

” Yes .”  Arrush snapped off an instant answer, before pulling back and staring at the front door of James’ apartment, tentatively looking back down the wobbly stone steps they’d come up.  “But… is it okay?”

James pulled out his phone and glanced at the screen.  ”Well, Alanna’s been texting me for the last hour asking if I’ve started making out with you.  At least one Anesh has let me know he’ll be staying at your place tonight with Keeka.  And Sarah says she’s… uh… what?”

”What?”

”Sarah just texted our apartment group ‘potion stuff tonight, might not be human tomorrow, out tonight’”

Arrush looked back at James, trying not to worry about the sound of people talking on a nearby balcony. ”…I thought… everyone thinks that Momo is the reckless one.”

”I thought it was Nik .  Actually, it’s legit surprising how safe dungeon magic is to work with.”  James sighed as he let his tired brain take a sharp tangent.  “Anyway.  The point is… yes, it’s okay.”

”I don’t… want to make you… feel like you have to?”  Arrush tentatively guessed.

James reached out and took one of Arrush’s claws, gently pulling the taller figure closer to him.  The two of them standing illuminated by the porch light and the glow from the adjacent window into James’ cramped dining room.  “Hey.”  He said with a nervously excited grin.  “I’d like to sleep with you. I’d like to hold you, and kiss you, and show you the affection that you absolutely deserve.  I don’t know when I noticed it exactly, but I really do like you.  Maybe more.  Tonight was great, and I want to keep learning to be as comfortable with you as I can be.  Because, if you’ll have me, I’d want our lives to intertwine.  So yes , you can come in, and stay the night, if you want.  But only if you want too.  I just want you to know that I  definitely want.”

Under the direct glow of the light by the front door, the green hue of an embarrassed Arrush’s skin practically lit up like a firework.  His clawed fingers clenched lightly around James’ hand, and he pressed all seven of his eyes shut as he took a deep breath and tried to push himself to say the thing that he really wanted to say.

And then he just did.  “Yes.”  He said, the word coming out as a rodent’s squeak.  “Yes, I would… yes.”  He nodded at James, beads of glowing blue forming in the corners of his eyes before he wiped them away, leaving streaks of damage on his hoodie’s sleeves.

James opened the front door, and, still holding his boyfriend’s hand, led him through the living room and down the hall to his bedroom.

From their place on the couch, Anesh, Alanna, and Auberdeen all called out cheerful greetings, which James replied to with his own laughing voice and Arrush replied to by trying to shrink into himself with embarrassment.  But they still got past the gauntlet of roommates unopposed.

And it was an excellent and comfortable end to an excellent and comfortable night.

_____

Ignoring the movie they were watching, Anesh turned to his girlfriend.  “Did he ever get that poetic with us ?”  He asked.  Because their front door was not soundproof, and they had both absolutely heard everything James said.  Especially when, to Auberdeen’s protest, Alanna had muted the movie.  Which was why the dog was currently sulking on the other end of the couch.

Alanna, not even pretending to contain the utter glee she felt as her shipping of James and Arrush finally came to fruition, mused on the question. “I vaguely  remember some kind of incredibly dramatic confession of love, so maybe .”  She said.  “Actually that’s weird, because it feels like it was super important, but the details are all blurry.  Huh.”

Anesh sighed.  “I don’t think I got anything dramatic.  I do  remember you two coming home from a duel to the death, and you dragging me into bed.”  He shook his head.  “Well, on the plus side, he’s getting better at talking like he’s in a high fantasy show.  Which I’m right certain is good paladin training.”

Sucking in a breath and widening her eyes, Alanna had a great idea.  “We should see if we can get James a role in the next D&D movie! Do we have this power?”

Anesh laughed.  Then had a thought that was less amusing.  “…so…where do we sleep?”  He asked.

From the end of the couch, Auberdeen gave a chuffing woof, reminding them that this  couch was her  bed.

“You have a bed right there!”  Alanna said, pointing at the doggie bed that was currently occupied by Lily the iLipede and nothing else.  Which suddenly made sense to her.  “Oh.  Huh.  Auberdeen, do you need a better bed?”  Their dog softly woofed and shook her head, shifting to thump her paws into the couch she was okay with.  “Okay.  Well, anyway,  I don’t need to sleep for another day.   You should go sleep with your new boyfriend.”  She directed Anesh.

“I think at least one of me already is”

“Of everyone , in the fuckin’ world , I think Keeka would understand that your circumstances are a little weird but also very hot.”

Anesh nodded sagely. “Hot in that there can only be so many of me in a room before it begins to overheat.  This is why I stopped making copies.”  A proud little smile crept onto his face as he got a dog style laugh out of Auberdeen.

“I thought it was the existential social crisis.” Alanna said, partly asking and partly just wanting to banter with her partner.

She got a nod back in agreement.  “And that.  But also the thing I said that made Auberdeen laugh.   I thought I was being funny.”

Alanna pulled her boyfriend in close against her, which was easy to do when he was already partly in her lap.   “You’re hilarious and cute, yes.  But also, Aub, do you… do you have  a sense of humor?  We never really talk that much.  How’s your day going?  Oh, shit!  We should get that other  couch!”

“I’m teleporting to the Lair.”  Anesh said with a laugh.  “You two have fun with the movie.  It’s… not exactly my thing, I just didn’t want to say anything.  You don’t mind if I vanish for a bit?”

”Nah, here, let me…” Alanna shifted around, trying to get Anesh free from their tangle of limbs and blankets without throwing him into a table leg.  “I love you but you gotta get a flexibility orb.  Get a copy of the thing James has that lets his elbows go backward!”

”We have that?”

”We have that!  Get some orbs!”  Alanna laughed.  “ I  take advantage of my stipend, you should too!”

”I’ll be honest, because I do a lot of testing on Library copies, I sorta feel like I should share the other orbs around more.  And what do I need  even?  I’ve already got Stacks ranks in two kinds of marmoset and three sorts of fish.”  Anesh asked as his girlfriend pulled him up off the floor with surprising ease, dusting himself off as he looked in their telepad drawer for one of the little notepads.  A copy of an improved version of the item that he’d made himself, ready to take him off to his destination.  “But yes, I’ll consider it.”  He chuckled at Alanna’s exasperated look that clearly told him that what he should be getting was an orb that made his elbows better .  Anesh leaned down to share a small kiss with Alanna, which turned into a long and passionate kiss when she grabbed the back of his head.  “Ahem!”  He said, face slightly flushed as he stood back up.  “Well!  I love you, clearly.  And I’ll see you later, which seems likely, since you’re not sleeping, and I just realized how weird that is.”

“Yup!”  Alanna gave him a thumbs up and didn’t explain, holding the pose until Anesh gave up being suspicious and teleported away.  “Alright.  So.  Aubs, you wanna sit on a magic couch while I haul it to our interstate teleport platform?  I’ve got a dumb idea and I wanna see how far it goes.”

The fluffy white canine, likely the smartest member of her species ever, gave a curious woof, and then stood on the couch cushion and shook herself off.

Her roommates were constantly talking about all the other strange things they had.  Maybe today would be a good time to see some of them.

Also there was someone new in the bedroom, and she didn’t want to worry about overhearing something that would be rude to eavesdrop on accidentally.  So this was probably polite.

Plus,  she got to sit on a new couch.